Some Days Are Just Better Than Others…
I’m not a medical professional. The views and opinions expressed within this article should not be confused with medical advice, or a replacement for it. Consult only your doctor for medical advice. I’m here to share a story and an opinion. Don’t sue me.
*****
I was recently invited to write a guest post on Black Box Warnings, and asked to share my opinion on medications used for treating Anxiety disorders. I encourage you to read the following article. I know it’s kind of long but it has a very positive message. (I know)
Consider it one of my gifts to you for the holidays. [Insert smart-ass grin emoticon]
The Fruitless Pursuit of a Permanent Fix
Those that deal with Anxiety and/or Depression are already aware of the feelings of desperation that accompany the two conditions. There’s no sense going into details. The bottom line is that both can have a serious impact on an otherwise happy and productive life if gone untreated.
I’ve dealt with both for the majority of my life, but there was a point when I didn’t really know anything about either condition. All I knew was that there was something wrong with me and that I needed to have it fixed.
About eight years ago I learned about Anxiety and Depression after meeting with my drug dealer Doctor. I was relieved to find out that all of the symptoms that I was describing had a name; but more importantly, relieved to know that there were treatment options available.
All of the things that were happening to me were easily explained by a chemical imbalance in my brain. It sounded like a reasonable enough explanation to me at the time.
Obviously, brains have chemicals. Imbalanced Chemicals = Anxiety. Sounds logical?
I didn’t feel the need to start debating brain chemical theories and what constitutes a balanced set of them. I just wanted my life back. I trusted my Doctor. After all, his background was in Medicine. Mine was in Deceptive Advertising. He knows how brains work, and I know how to manipulate people into buying things…
…Looking back, maybe he had a background in Marketing, too?
I’d left the office that day with a vague understanding of my condition(s), as well as a couple prescriptions for medications to treat both individually.
“Ok Adam, take this Blue Pill if you’ve always wondered what it’s like to do a Speedball, and take the Red one to help your penis not work anymore”
I began taking the daily Anxiety medication immediately, but decided to handle the Depression on my own. It seemed to be the answer to my problems. Life returned to normal for awhile. I started dating again, socializing more, and stopped flaking out at work and school. Problem solved?
Over the course of the first year however, I noticed that the drug was starting to wear off and became less effective. I found myself back in the Doctor’s office with the same complaints. The solution: double the dosage. It was time for a brain chemical overhaul!
It was at that point that the side effects of the medication became really noticeable. I didn’t feel like me anymore. Sometimes it felt like I didn’t have the ability to produce certain types of emotions. I could remember the emotions, but I couldn’t actually produce them. I felt disconnected; sedate. The so-called “highs” didn’t really exist anymore. That’s when I started to ask myself questions like: Was this really the solution? Am I truly chemically imbalanced?
After about a year and a half I decided to stop taking the drug. I went back to my Doctor and he explained how easy it was to get off the drug: gradually reduce the dose each day for one week. At the end of the week, stop taking it.
I found myself in front of a Pharmacist a week later, jittering off questions about why I was experiencing a complete nervous meltdown after the “weaning period”. That’s when I learned that a week isn’t enough time to taper off a long-term pill regiment. I went back on the meds long enough to level my head, and then gradual tapered off the drug over the course of the next month.
After I got off the medication my original problems returned tenfold. It was unbearable. Every day it felt like I was on eight cups of dark roast coffee, and my mind wouldn’t turn off. Every single morbid, fucked up thought that I could possibly imagine was running through my head – all of them simultaneously.
I also remember getting these weird electrical sensations inside my head. It almost felt like my internal computer was re-booting. It was a quick flash of weirdness and an extremely unsettling feeling.
During that period was when I experienced my first Panic Attack. What fun!
At that point, no matter what I tried I just couldn’t seem to get a grip. It felt like I was completely out of control of my body and mind, and I didn’t know what was causing it, or how to stop it. Within a few short months I was at my wits end. I decided to get help from somewhere else.
And How Does That Make You Feel?
There are a lot of misconceptions about therapy. From my experience none of them are true. Going to a therapist doesn’t mean you’re crazy, and I’ve never witnessed or heard of anyone being strapped into a straight-jacket and wheeled to the nearest Psych Ward after a visit to one. To my knowledge they don’t do the foam baseball bat thing either. Bummer.
I will say however, that there’s nothing more uncomfortable than the first few visits with a therapist. Well, maybe a prostate exam. Spilling your guts to a complete stranger about all of your darkest personal matters takes some getting used to. But, it doesn’t take long to establish a personal relationship with one – and he doesn’t have to put a lubricated finger up your ass in order for that to happen, either.
Stuart Smalley said it best: “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone it, People Like Me.”Ok. Maybe it’s little cheesy. Cool V-neck sweater though!
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy covers a lot of ground. For me, the experience was about becoming aware of my self-destructive thoughts, and finding ways to change those negative thoughts into positive actions.
Each visit was full of introspective dialogue. It’s definitely challenging at times, and some days were harder than others. I realized that it takes a lot of balls to look deep inside, and that addressing your issues is a lot harder than pretending they don’t exist.
During that span I learned a lot about myself on that familiar brown leather sofa. I discovered so much that was hidden deep — things that I’d repressed, things that I wanted to forget about, and things that I didn’t even know existed.
The most important thing that I discovered?
All of this stuff couldn’t be fixed by a pill.
Medicine wasn’t the cure-all that I thought it was supposed to be. It didn’t solve my problems or help me to understand what had caused them; it was only a band-aid. All it did was cover up the symptoms that my unaddressed issues were not only creating, but continued to create.
Without therapy I would have never noticed all of the life-sucking vampires I’d surrounded myself with, nor would I have realized that I was living my life for the benefit of everyone else but me. I would have never learned about the importance of loving myself unconditionally, and I would have never realized that “What we think, we become.”
I know what you might be thinking right now: “Sounds like a bunch of phony bullshit to me.”
If that’s in fact what you were thinking, then you might be a good candidate yourself, Negative Nancy…
My thoughts on Medication?
I don’t think a vague label like “chemically imbalanced” really says a whole lot. It doesn’t address the individual or the underlying cause. I’m even starting to wonder if a lot of the conditions that are being diagnosed are really medical problems at all?
Maybe we need to question the pace that we’re living our lives at, and learn to identify the kinds of people and things that are toxic to our well being Maybe we need to learn how to be more accepting of ourselves and others, and learn how to be more responsible for our thoughts, actions, and behaviors.
I believe these things are all part of the epidemic *chemical imbalance* problem in our society. A lot of the time they’re never even addressed.
I’m not denying the fact that mental illness exists. I’m also not denying that some medications may be required for brain-related conditions. I am stating however, that I think we’re being over-prescribed, and needlessly diagnosed with conditions that might just be a product of the high stress, fast-paced, unforgiving, and highly competitive world that we live in today.
*****
The reality of it is that therapy didn’t make my life problems go away. But, it did help me to become aware of them, as well as learn how to better manage them.
Truthfully, some days still suck. Some days I’m still a nervous wreck. Some days I still doubt my abilities. And some days I still feel hopeless about the future.…
…but life isn’t perfect. And that’s just the way it is.
At least I’m comfortable admitting it now. And whenever things aren’t going the way that I’d like them to go, I try my best to force a smile and say to myself:
Some days are just better than others…
- [Happy] Blogging
Related articles
- Anxious? 4 Examples of Anxiety Treaments that Calm Nerves (psychologytoday.com)
- A Note About Anxiety (notadietstory.wordpress.com)
- Is Medication For An Anxiety Disorder Necessary? (drronglassman.wordpress.com)
Been there too and still deal with it but everything boils down to “Some days are just better then others.” Just as you so aptly put it.
Very well written post!! Thank you!!
Thanks Lo –
I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts, as always.
I’ve had some experience with panic attacks – not personal;ly, but I’ve watched loved ones suffer – and I couldn’t agree more with you; a pill can buy you some time, but the problem isn’t going to disappear. Not by a long shot.
It takes courage and a willingness to reach out for help to overcome our inner demons, not pills.
Thanks for taking the time to read, and for your empathy on the topic.
That’s one of the hardest things to deal with, and you’re absolutely right. Anxiety-related stuff takes a lot of “Brains”. It’s a constant battle of mind over matter. I guess you just learn how to deal with it, right?
I greatly appreciate you sharing your thoughts!
Very nice work Adam. Wow. Bummer you were just Freshly Pressed, because this one should be.
Thanks Cheeky. I appreciate your kindness, as always. I would have much rather had this one be made visible too. There’s a lot in it for everyone…
Oh well!
I hear panic attacks are brutal, and it’s nice to see someone who doesn’t believe that pills will cure all! Ya gotta talk it out. Bravo to you!
They blow. Thanks Jules, I appreciate the acknowledgement.
Thanks for reading and sharing. Very much appreciated.
you’re welcome!
Adam, this is a treat to read. Thank you so much.
I value your honestly, as well as your insight. You make people think – and it is needed now more than ever.
I totally agree with you on the ‘overmedicated society’. In my opinion, pills for Anxiety/Depression are only a short-term solution – they’re “band-aids”, but never get rid of the real problem. That, we have to do ourselves. I also think that many of the ‘overmedicated’ problems persist, because we just don’t have time for each other anymore. It’s a fast, fleeting world… and seriously, when was the last time your doctor spoke to you for more than 10 minutes?! Constant pressure, constant stress.
But we’re to blame – we created it ourselves.
Thank you for your words… this, truly, is an amazing post. Much appreciated.
You’re very welcome Miriam. And thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
I usually don’t talk to my Doctor! He does the talking. I do the listening. It’s almost like a fast food drive-thru window. It’s really fast, and careless –> IN MY HUMBLE OPINION! I agree 100% with all of the above.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, as always.
I’m in the exact same position Adam. I’d write more but I’m cranky. Maybe tomorrow.
I just realized something. I don’t need a doctor. I need THE Doctor. Whatever you choose to call it; God or The Universe or The Great Spirit, It is eternal and always there to listen. Like the other night when I felt so empty and I just prayed about that feeling. Gosh this sounds so corny but it helps.
A lot of people say that it helps. Have you ever tried relaxation, meditation, or Yoga?
Thank you for your honesty and insight, Adam. I love your line, “If that is in fact what you were thinking, then you might be a good candidate yourself, Negative Nancy…” It seems to me that your experiences have gifted you with great compassion and empathy.
I like the Matrix connection because it seems like you have stopped taking pills to escape from the fake reality of the Matrix. Can’t wait to see you do bad-ass kung fu, stop bullets, and fly, although I bet you would be happy with a working penis. haha.
You’re welcome Kozo. And thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.
I would have to agree with you. For most people, it’s difficult to envision themselves in other peoples shoes. I think that’s so key — empathy. Not just for the sake of people dealing with all of this shit, but for everyone in tough spots. Generally speaking, we’re becoming kind of a *cold* society. The only times that people really stop and think about others is after some kind of tragedy, like Friday.
It’s something that we should all be aware of. I’m guilty of it too. We shouldn’t just be aware of it, we need to change. It would benefit all. Oh, and I can do all that stuff in the Matrix — better than Neo. I am the *One*.
No pills = no side effects = wiener back to normal
Amazingly good post. Loved it. I haven’t gone down the depression path yet, but I think everybody has that potential, and posts like this give perspective and information that everybody should be armed with. So thanks for that. I went through anxiety attacks when I was about 40, but I always felt I might die of a heart attack…so I had a coronary MRI done in Thailand and it was clear as a bell…and suddenly the panick attacks stopped. So no pills were needed. What I needed was some control of my fear that I might have a jammer before my time.
Once again, amazing post. Thanks!
Thanks Mike, I really appreciate the props and I’m glad you got something out of it. That’s the reason why I put it out there.
It’s a bitch, ain’t it? A clean bill of health goes a long ways in keeping a straight head. I don’t really have anything to worry about (at the moment, anyways) as far as physical health goes, but I’ve been there too with scares. As a matter of fact, I have pretty good physical genes. My family members, for the most part, live(d) to be pretty old. The draw back is that we’re all forking nuts. So, that probably means that I’m going to be dealing with it for a looong time!
Thanks for droppin’ by, once again!
Hey, a little bit of nuttiness is what keeps this world interesting
Excellent post Adam. We live in a world of convenience. I want it, I want it NOW. It’s no wonder we think a little pill is going to give us instant gratification. So far from the truth it’s not funny.
Frankly its disgusting- this over prescribed world of happy pills. Should only be used as a last resort.
Good luck to you in your continued journey.
You seem to me to be a deep thinker. It’s people like us that I believe suffer more from anxiety and depression, BUT on the other hand, if we allow ourselves, experience even more INTENSE ups and joy in life. Hang onto that as some sort of consolation.
Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts, and I appreciate your support!
I am a VERY deep thinker, and I completely agree with you; the thinkers are the sensitive ones, and those that deal with this stuff most often, it seems. And, I love the “high’s”. It’s almost like being on creative auto-pilot mode when I have an outlet for the explosive thoughts. This blog helps a lot, and I love having it for that reason. I didn’t have it three months ago, and as corny as it might sound, it’s kind of changed my life and outlook since starting. I absolutely need outlets like this one, and I’d encourage others to find one for themselves as well.
P.S. I told you I had a *Washing Machine Head* !!
Medical doctors of whatever ilk are not often the real answer to mental health problems. They are far too drug-oriented. Some few people do need medication, and need to stay on it. However, you are spot-on when you say that the vast majority are looking for answers in the wrong places.
Mental health is like cleaning the kitchen. If you sweep all the garbage into the broom closet, eventually you’re going to have a really smelly kitchen that you can barely stand to occupy. At that point you put on your gas mask, get someone to help, and clean out the closet. Or you continue using the chemicals, and eventually you die medicated — and still unhappy.
Awesome metaphor Bill! That’s exactly it. We all have a lot of skeletons in our closet, and over time, stress really compiles. I think it’s so important to be mindful of that. Sleep, Exercise, and Diet are crucial too. It’s not like I’m a poster-child for healthy living, but I definitely notice a huge difference in my overall sense of well-being when I take care of those things, too.
Thanks so much for droppin’ by and adding your thoughts to the discussion, Bill!
Adam–just awesome! Loved it, and can totally relate. I am very anti-meds for myself after all the stuff I tried. One of the newer meds I tried a couple of years ago had me hiding in the bathroom, calling my mom on the phone, because I felt like offing myself and my son was in the house. Scared the shit out of me and made me really sick after I stopped taking it. I will take my highs and lows any day over the side effects of meds. I blog to keep me in touch with my feelings. So glad you shared all of this!!
Oh man, that doesn’t sound fun at all. Your example is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Why does this stuff happen? If someone had taken a better look at you, explored your allergies, scanned your brain, or known more about the drug itself, maybe you might not have been put into that situation. It’s absolute shit. It’s almost like a Science-based Art, you know?
Man, I’m really glad you shared your thoughts today. I blog for a lot of the same reasons — I was just talking about the same thing two minutes ago. It’s great having a place to vent, or just be creative like this. I love it.
Best of luck to you!
Remember, this is the place to blow off steam. Exercise your Right!! (that was corny, I know)
I remember reading “Darkness Visible” by William Styron years ago when I was going through a really bad period. If I remember corrrectly, he didn’t do meds at all, but basically crawled inside the darkness and depression, feeling it totally and completely and trying to explore exactly what was causing it. I thought about that book after that experience with the shitty medicine, and decided I would never again try to mask it. I will dive into it like a pool which I don’t know the depth or breadth of. Peace and love. . . .
Thank you, and same to you. I wrote down the title. Thank you for that.
Be sure and let me know what you think of it.
I weeel
Thank you for your sharing, but mostly for your honesty. My brother has battled with severe mental illness for many many years. It hasn’t been just his battle, but mine and the rest of the family’s as well. It is so difficult to get the right help, the right treatment, the right doctor. They either dismiss his illness or push some drugs at him. This topic is obviously close to my heart and although it isn’t along the lines of your usual posts, I’m really glad you shared it.
You’re very welcome. I’m glad I could offer some insight.
It’s a bitch, there’s no doubt about it, but tell your bro to hang in there. KEEP TRYING. The most valuable advice I could ever offer someone is this: DON’T EVER SETTLE. There are so many good doctors out there, it’s just a matter of finding one. I’ve run into my fair share of quacks, and I’m glad I stuck with it long enough to find a good one. Please, keep trying, and remain patient and supportive.
P.S. I have one more good rant brewing just in time for the holiday. You didn’t think I’d let you down, did you? haha
Excellent post, Adam! I was riveted! I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles, but I am so glad that you are working through them. You’ve always been introspective – which I consider a great strength. The more we understand ourselves the better we can deal with what life throws at us. I am a true believer in therapy. In my case it was physical therapy. I turned down a doctor’s suggestion to have carpal tunnel surgery in favor of physical therapy. It worked unbelievably well. I told my therapist that I was the only one who could really fix myself; his job was to help me understand what I was doing to cause the problem. Understanding myself has led to overall better health for me. Keep striving to understand yourself, and know that we all have days that suck! Glad to know your weiner’s back to normal, too (can’t believe I just wrote that!).
Thanks Mary! No need to apologize. Shit happens.
First off, I’m shocked that you found this article more riveting that the one about Hypothetical Questions??
I’ve been down that road that you described as well. Surgeons perform surgery. Period. I’ve heard a lot of really good things about Physical Therapy, myself. I had problems with my rotator cuffs when I was working out a lot, and a few different shoulder variations seemed to alleviate the problem. Who’d a thunk?! Unreal.
I will definitely keep on keeping on. I appreciate you taking the time to read, and offer your support. That’s awesome of you.
P.S. That was a great caption, wasn’t it? Thank you Beavis and Butthead for keeping my sense of humor juvenile!
This = Yes. I had the advantage of having taken Physiological Psychology prior to going onto my anti-anxiety and anti-depressant cocktail, so I knew how and when to wean properly. Or so I thought. Imagine trying to come down off of your Clonazipam during a week long trip to Vegas. Terrifying, but also a rare “This is Bat Country” sort of experience. I dreamed I was Sheena, Queen of the Crab People (awesome), but I looked on (in horror) as my brain produced hallucinations around the slot-machine folks.
I think the saddest thing is that people still see medications as the have-all and end-all. Or, the flip side, they see meds as a “crutch,” and you’re “weak” if you use them.
I’ve always thought that a crutch was a perfect metaphor. If you break your foot, you probably use some kind of a crutch, but then you have to learn how to work your way off of it. It shouldn’t be a “forever” thing, unless there’s really something going on. I don’t know. But I liked your post. Thanks for writing it and sharing.
Yes. Yes. And Yes. And you’re welcome.
I’m sorry, but I was laughing my ass off when I read the first part of your comment, because 1.) I know exactly how you feel (Vegas is overstimulating as it is), and 2.) I. Love. That. Movie. One day I’m going to post the Raoul Duke Halloween costume I’ve been working on for years. If you’re a fan, you’ll flip your lid.
I think what you described is a great analogy. That’s exactly what it seems to be. And I’m just as confused about the diagnosing as well. Who the hell knows? It seems like the drug-pushers don’t even understand what they’re medicating.
If you’re comfortable talking about it, I would love read your story — something parallel to a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas experience would great comic relief. I try to laugh as much about this stuff as much as possible, personally. Like they say: “If I wasn’t laughing, I’d be crying.” Let me know!
” I think we’re being over-prescribed, and needlessly diagnosed with conditions that might just be a product of the high stress, fast-paced, unforgiving, and highly competitive world that we live in today.”
That is quite possibly my favorite sentence in this whole post. As you said, I’m not trying to downplay the fact that mental illnesses exist and that medication can help people in huge ways. But sometimes I feel like we try to take the easy way out by repressing what’s going on and pretending we’re fine when we’re not. On another note, doctors may be professionals but we know our bodies and our minds better than anyone else. I’m glad you took matters into your own hands and decided what was best for yourself.
Thanks Lillian, I really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts –
I agree with you completely. We know our bodies best. That’s why I always had a hard time with medications. I don’t have a whole lot of trust in Doctors anymore when it comes to prescriptions. I look at it as a *kickback* opportunity. I’m not gonna lie.
When someone recommends a drug that they’ve never injected themselves with, I see it as a Red Flag. “Here, take this pill. I’ve never tried it myself, but people tell me it’s swell. Oh, and just ignore the side-effects.”
Someone punch me in the teeth please…
That’s awesome that you’re so open about this. I actually have a master’s in counseling/psychology and I’ve worked as a counselor, and it pisses me off how many mistakes are made in the profession. Classic example of a really bad therapist in every way possible: the slut in “The Departed” sorry, she’s a very bad therapist. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Anyway… Adam you are right, no psychiatric medication or medication for ‘chemical imbalances’ should ever be prescribed without counseling, because most cases, counseling and like you said behavioral therapy will work on its on. There are some chemical imbalances that I believe need to be maintained with medication, such as some dissociative disorders and often bipolar. However that’s for professionals to decide responsibly, not arbitrarily handing out medication when a PCP is not in the psychiatric or counseling profession. Depression is something that doesn’t always need medication, same with anxiety disorder. Sometimes a medication can be used to stabilized moods, and counseling hits on the issues at hand. However, like you said, every case is individual and I’m not setting up any kind of medical advice or anything either, and neither do I want to be sued
Nice thought provoking post. Rule of thumb is, if you think you’re going to hurt yourself or someone else, then you have a problem than you should seek someone to help you work it through. Big indicator if you don’t trust yourself or feel safe with yourself, then get some help certainly. Thanks Adam!
I have to respectfully disagree that behavioral therapy would work alone in all cases. For instance, my OCD would probably not allow me to utilize CBT techniques effectively if I didn’t have meds in conjunction so that I am more able to resist “irrational” obsessions and compulsions.
Yeah I didn’t say it would work alone in all cases, only some, and I stressed it’s something that should be individualized, alongside a responsible physician and/or therapist.
Sorry, I missed that part somehow… It just irritates me when people assume that meds are “evil.” Sometimes they are necessary, and to some people like me, they make things so much more manageable. .
No problem, it was a late night comment, I kind of rambled lol. Have a wonderful holiday season
Thanks! You too!
Sage, is my blog an indicator that I might hurt myself or someone else?!!
Maybe I should scale it back a tad before people start questioning my “stability” HAHA!
Thanks for reading, and you’re welcome. I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and opinions on the topic as well. I’m glad I know you’re a former counselor now. Expect multiple emails a day from me for now on. I can afford *free* advice. (Kidding)
I think what you said all makes perfect sense. A therapist might be the best place to at least start. I also believe that therapy can be beneficial to many — regardless of the condition. I don’t think it’s always one or the other though — sometimes both might be required. The bottom line is that It has to be on a case by case basis.
I’m not sure that there’s a one-size-fits-all approach to anything, really.
Yeah, you can email me free anytime! And no you don’t seem unsafe lol. But that’s just a big clue as to someone needing some help. And this whole issue is a lot more complicated than all this but you made some great points. I definitely agree that there’s not a one size fits all, individualization is the key. My point with there needing to be a counselor involved with psychiatric meds is this: A proper primary care physician refers patients out to specialists, who decide treatment in that field. In the case of psychiatric issues, first a counselor, who then refers to a prescribing psychiatrist or medical psychologist (a specialist in that field of medicine). The counselor continues therapy, and the medical aspect overseen by the medical professional. So that’s how it should be done, but most times it’s not. My friend’s doctor prescribed an inhaler for her son who claimed to get short of breath after running around. Later she insisted he was tested for asthma, turns out he wasn’t asthmatic and didn’t need an inhaler. So instead of prescribing, he should have tested the child and sent the child to a specialist from the start. I think that’s a good example maybe? Anyway, so many points to be made on this one, and varying opinions, great discussion piece.
Well, you and I already had a private conversation about how I feel about meds. I guess they are not for everybody, but to me, they keep me level. I don’t think I’d have much luck with CBT WITHOUT at least a small dose of some SSRI to allow me to “combat” the false signals my brain sends. This has been made ever more apparent on the times I HAVE been under-medicated. My first thought when you mentioned that your doc gave you meds for anxiety was “WHICH MEDS?” Some doctors treat anxiety with benzodiazepines. These are NOT for daily management of general anxiety. Taking them regularly will basically guarantee dependence and likely a VERY SHITTY withdrawal should you run out or attempt to go off them. The longer you use them, the harder the crash, even if you titrate your dose. I know this from experience. Benzos are best for ACUTE anxiety attacks, or the panic attack you mentioned. A therapeutic dose of an SSRI can go a long way towards reducing overall anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and depression, and while you would need to taper to come off the meds, if your depression is temporary (situational as opposed to the dreaded “chemical imbalance,” you would eventually function fine without them. I don’t know if this helps “define” an imbalance for you any better, but this may help (assuming you have not already researched the topic ad nauseum.) LOL
http://www.news-medical.net/health/SSRIs-How-They-Work.aspx
Holy Shit Queenie. Couldn’t you just ask me a *Hypothetical Question* instead?
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it a lot.
You’re obviously a lot more knowledgeable about medications than I am. I didn’t go too far into it. The few that I tried had their pluses and minuses. But, I guess if the good outweighed the bad for me personally, I’d probably still be on them.
And to answer your question, NO. I’m still confused. I’m gonna read the article though, eventually. Thanks for droppin’ a link!
Want me to see if I can find one that’s clearer? Or I could bastardize the explanation for you. LOL
Bastardize away! I saw your FB message. Getting around to it tonight, promise.
Panic attacks…. don’t know them well, but depression and anxiety….I m familiar…
Never went to a psychiatric or a therapist, but have seen many… Almost every second person is “chemically” unbalanced from the brain these days…actually, say “every” person.
Some days eat us up from inside…some even do not leave the outside rotten coat…its like worst than hell. Family problems, financial crisis, emotional problems, mental imbalance or even no problem at all leaves us blown away…
I am actually proud of myself in these respects that I take time to meditate and go into the depths of these and come out stable…better than before…
Medicines help only with a mind change. They dont kill the cause or even make it open…they just put a temporary sediment which washes away with time and leaves the wound more vulnerable.
Therapy surely helps…its just like meditation, it makes us aware, heals.
Great post Adam, it was a good effort. Wish people read it and understand…
Thanks Snehal, I appreciate that. Thanks for taking the time to read and share your thoughts.
Meditation is such a great thing. I don’t do it as much anymore, only because I’m usually preoccupied with something else — like what I’m doing right now! However, it seems to do a lot to help calm the mind — it eliminates all of the noise. I guess before you try it, you don’t really realize how much of it there is. Becoming emotionally detached from a thought was a foreign concept to me at one point. After learning that, and being mindful of it daily, it seemed to change the way that I viewed my thoughts. They became less destructive, and more empowering.
Thanks for the reminder. I’m long overdue for an *Ohm* !
True at that. Even I dont do it regularly (and I m neither a routined person and people think it sucks) But its never late or out of time for me…
I may even start in the night or any time at that, but yup, it helps…truly..
See, my conceptions are different.
We dont have much of those therapies in India and if there are, they cost too much…so people solely rely on medicine. And meditation? Hardly anyone takes them as a mind opener. Yoga and things are mostly used as a weight losing technique or if recommended (hardly) by someone or out of curiosity.
Just wish we had those therapies instead of those pills…life could be lot better.And one more thing, these pills are just like (being a drug) and make people addicted….many cant live without them after a while and have them more than they have food…seriously…
Ans I personally hate pills and syrups… ewwwkkkkkk!
Well, I hope for everyone’s sake that it changes. There are definitely other great options available. Thanks again for sharing!
I couldn’t agree with you more, Adam. While I don’t doubt that there are indeed some conditions that are legitimately medical and can (and should) be treated with medicine, I also believe that a lot (the majority even) of problems, like depression, are more a mental issue than a physical one. And by “mental” I mean something that we have the power to control, at least to a certain extent. I’d be very surprised if there was a single person on the face of the planet who has never felt “depressed”, even to the point of contemplating some really negative and serious actions. Sometimes life just sucks. And we’re all susceptible to falling prey to the demons. Yeah, I said demons. I know, that word conjures up images of creepy little beings, minions of the devil, etc. But it is my belief that demons are simply (nothing simple about it though) false ideas. Those bad ideas get into our heads and it’s a struggle to keep them from taking over. As they say, we all have our demons to battle and the more you know the better equipped you are to protect yourself from falling into a huge pit that you can’t get out of.
It’s SO easy to let ideas run rampant inside you. Something that isn’t really that big of a deal can quickly turn into frickin’ Armaggedon if people dwell on the negative things for too long. And the longer we think about it, the worse it gets. Fight lies with the truth. People should be aware that we CAN control a lot of the way we feel just by choosing to think positively and rejecting the negative. Look for that silver lining, tell yourself the glass is half full. It’s hard, yeah, I know, and it requires a conscious effort and yes, help. I have shit days too. I’m incredibly lucky to have a best friend who goes out of his way to stop me when I start heading down that path, he puts himself on the line to pull me back from the proverbial “point of no return”, which sadly is where some end up because they had no one to explain what the problem really was and then help them take back control of their life.
Anyway, point is, life’s a bitch, for some more than others granted, but with a little understanding and support, we can all affect our own lives in a positive way. And other people’s lives too, let’s not forget. Even this blog I’m sure will be of great value to someone who is struggling and searching for answers. When you look outside and it’s raining, just remind yourself that the world’s not going to flood, we’re not all going to drown, eventually the sun WILL come out, dry everything up and leave you with boundless beauty to appreciate. Sorry if I belaboured the point. Great post, Adam, really.
Wendy, thank you so much more for the insightful comment. I agree with everything that you shared. The bottom line is Negativity. Thoughts and actions. It’s hard to avoid, and that’s exactly why it’s important to be aware of what can be destructive. I deal with my negatively (at least I think I do) in a positive way. I turn it into humor. Sometimes when you right down negative thoughts, they become trivial and meaningless, really. Sometimes there’s something positive within it. It’s good to be mindful of how we think, and even better to *think*.
Thanks again for ready and sharing your thoughts. As always, it’s very much appreciated.
Wonderful post, Adam.
The more mindful we become about the thoughts we think . . . the better we become at nipping unproductive thoughts in the bud.
Running around on “auto pilot” is not good for our mental health equilibrium.
Thanks Nancy, and I agree with you 100% Autopilots don’t always prevent plane crashes…
Really excellent! Thank you do much for sharing your story.
I have been off all medications for almost two years. Previously I had been on and off them for several.
The “diagnosis” I have been given over the years is bi-polar. I was in denial for a very long time for a lot of reasons and although I knew something wasn’t right, it was hard to accept something was wrong. The medications never really helped. Maybe there was a slight difference in mood the first few days on it, but hell I was being heavily drugged, who wouldn’t have a change in mood right?
A couple years ago I read a book written by a Psychiatrist who also has severe bi-polar. In it there was a chapter or two about an MRI study that shows actual physiological changes/differences in the brains of those with bi-polar. To me this was an aha moment of I am not crazy, it is not a mental illness it is a brain abnormality. Why I have it, I do not know. I just know that seeing that and researching it somehow gave me the final straw of courage to walk away from medications and the “doctors”/ Of course I weened. The pills were some pretty heavy doses of some pretty scarey shit. These medications took away all the things I actually liked about myself and made me feel physically awful. they robbed me of my creativity and productivity. And, lastly I didn’t feel better and if anything my problems seemed worse.
Now I am medication free. I have good days and bad days, but they are days I no longer move through in a haze of pharmacopia. They are days that I actually feel something. I am able to do this successfully because I stopped denying something was wrong and I put the power in my own hands. I stopped relying on “doctors” to fix me when they really don’t know any more than I do. Because, as you said, we are all individuals. Cookie cutter fixes do not fix anything. Band aids do not fix anything.
I am aware of my feelings in real time, not after they are out of control I walk or talk myself through 5 minutes at a time if I have to when I have too. I avaoid things (when I can) that I know will negatively affect me. I vent instead of let things and feelings build up. I ask for help when I need it without feeling ashamed.
Anyhow, I didn’t mean to write a book here…I just wanted to say I love what you wrote and I love that you shared. I relate.
Please excuse all the typos in the comment above. I fired off my response whil laying here in the dark,
No worries. I still can’t figure out, how to use, commas and semi-colons;
Cr,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. All of this stuff needs to be out there. It’s comforting for not only myself, but many others in discovering that none of these things are unique. It seems like everyone is dealing with something.
There are three quotes from you that I loved:
1.) “…days I no longer move through in a haze of pharmacopia.”
That’s one of the worst feelings. The *numbness*. That’s one of the reasons why I felt the need to talk about it. Side effects are one thing, but turning someone into a zombie does nothing to add to a person’s life. There’s got to be a better understanding about brain chemistry, as well as the medicines being used to treat it. Diagnosing has to be more thorough.
2.) “I put the power in my own hands.”
Whenever someone puts a label on another person, that person’s power is taken away. Empowerment is huge. It’s ignored oftentimes, and it’s the key to survival of and growth of the spirit — or whatever term you want to use to define that inner *spark*. Calling it *illnes* or being *sick* means that determining your outcome is out of your hands. Believing that is debilitating enough. I’m starting to wonder if a lot of it is by design? Drug companies gotta profit to, as well as keep costs low.
3.) “they robbed me of my creativity.”
Someone asked me once: “If Van Gogh hadn’t been Bipolar would he have been able to produce the same works of Art that he did?” My guess is NO. There’s something to be said for the “high’s”. They can be times of explosive, creative bursts. USE THEM. I’m not bipolar, but I do have the “highs”. I always capture them when I can. I need to find an immediate outlet, then I just let it flow…
Thank you so much. And best of luck to you! Drop back in soon. This being positive stuff is a slow process… *wink wink*
Adam,
Thanks. What a great reply and so glad you speak typo! Huge bonus. I am actually sitting up with the lights on this time so if I screw up I have no excuse :p
I totally agree with you about VanGough. In fact I think most of the “creatives” in the world deal with some sort of brain issue and it is our “art” that allows us the sanity we need to get a long in this crazy world of ours. Otherwise, we may just spontaneously combust! I also do not think we choose our “art” it must choose us. I myself write, sing, and draw. I must be super nuts to have so many outlets huh? :p haha just kidding. If my FaceBook feed is any indication of sanity in the world I think I am well ahead of the game…especially after everything that happened at Sandy Hook. Sigh!
Also, thanks for the admiration of the quotes. They were my real feelings so I think that is where the power of those words comes from.
Anyhow, I enjoy your blog very much. Feel free to poke around mine if the spirit moves you of course. There’s a lot there, especially under the menu tabs.
I look forward to reading more from you. Again thank you for taking the time to respond…oh one last thing…yes on the pharmaceutical companies. Earlier this year i was putting together a newsletter for a clinic and I wrote an editorial about how Pharma is the #1 political campaign donor. Makes one wonder why…
Thank you soo much for this. Breath of fresh air! (Oh, did I just agree with this entire post… Don’t tell my co-workers… I do work in a hospital. haha)
~Kim
Kim, thank you. And my lips are sealed…
You are so brave to share this. I know someone personally who went through some of the same things. I tried to help and tried to understand but unfortunately they weren’t willing (able?) to be honest with me and accept my help. I only hope the best for that person and hope they find what they need to be happy, healthy, comfortable with themselves or whatever it is they need. Good for you for finding what you need
Thanks Haley, I truly appreciate that. It’s definitely a person path, that’s for sure. I’ve been in your shoes as well. Sometimes its just best to stay supportive, and keep an open ear at all times. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share, also. That means a lot!
This one hit home, man. I’ve walked that path. Spent two years trying to find the right combination of little pills to keep my life in balance, while all along they weren’t helping me at all. Your story sounds alot like mine. Glad to be meeting you on the other side of it all.
I’m beginning to think we were separated at birth.
I think that is a definitive “yes”, Pepper. Schedule the blood work tomorrow…
The creatives seem to all have similar stories. Read up on Robin Williams. I thought that was a pretty remarkable revelation. It was almost a shock to learn, but it makes sense now. Thanks for reading and sharing your story — you’re not alone — look around!
We are an over-prescribed culture, no doubt about it. Good to have perspective from someone who’s tried both prescriptions and therapy. Glad therapy has been effective for you.
Thanks DM, I appreciate that. And thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. It’s good to have these things put out there. It’s important.
Great post. I am in the medication limbo right now just to get me through the crisis, and adding DBT techniques for my (eventual) long-term management.
Good luck to you Ginger. Stay focused. It’s easy to get sidetracked. Music always helps me to keep my head straight.
Thanks for reading and sharing. Greatly appreciated.
Well, look at that…Adam, you have unsuspected depth! (I will pay you $5 if you can tell me where that quote originates- without googling it {see how I covered myself there? Cuz you ain’t never gonna prove you didn’t look that up…}) I originally thought you were just another smart-ass from a city of full of ‘em (relax, I’m not a hater- I’m actually partial to the big D- so take it as a compliment), but now I’m re-evaluating…
Alright, enough. I’ve had my fun. Excellent post. Lived it. And it was bad. Went through the meds, CBT and psychotherapy for my PTSD with a side of OCD (hey…that’s a blog post in waiting…why do I suddenly feel as if I’ve taken all my clothes off??). I couldn’t agree with you more on all points. And the one thing you mention that I don’t often see people talk about is the issue of the “vampires” in our lives that need to be cut off. Nobody wants to be “mean” and most cannot handle confrontation, but sometimes it’s necessary to suck it up and be honest with ourselves and other people in our lives- and I’m only being a little bit hypocritical here (see first paragraph).
You’re on the right track (not that you needed my validation, but whatever. I have to make up for needling you somehow). And speaking of tracks, you might try running as a form of therapy. You seem like a pretty young dude who could handle it fairly well. It works wonders for me. Keep looking up…
***Man, I miss Stuart Smalley***
What, are you trying to tell me that I was a *PREVIOUSLY SHALLOW* Writer?! Thanks for the compliments. I’m also suffering from borderline *ApprovalWhorism*, so by all means, please keep them coming. Validation is also welcome here.
And BTW, are you originally from Detroit? Family or Friends here? (I’m not from the City, I live in the burbs)
And keep your five bucks…I’m kind of bummed now that I know the answer. I had to look it up, and when I found out it was a U2 song, I almost changed the title. I can’t stand those guys…
Maybe a future rant about U2 is on the horizon!!
Vampires can bite me!
Thanks so much for leaving your thoughts and feedback. I enjoy reading a comment like this a lot more than “Great Post!”
Let’s just say I’m…”made in Detroit,” like the Chryslers my granddaddy used to put together on the line.
Ah, U2 pirated it, then, because it goes way back before they were even born…find the original and I’ll raise it to $10.
I often conceptualize zinger comments that might offend people, but somehow I figured you’d get it and I wouldn’t have to explain how I was **only kidding**. So thanks for that- and for the follow!
Alright, stop playing fucking games! Where did it come from? You’re killing me here. You’re triggering that little bit of OCD inside of me right now!
I’ll pay YOU ten bucks! Fill me in \M/
THAAAAT’S what we were waiting to hear…
You’ll be disappointed. It’s a line from an old classic movie: The Philadelphia Story. Spoken by Jimmy Stuart to a smart-ass recovering alcoholic (no, I’m not accusing you of anything…) Carey Grant who also happens to read weighty books (in substance, not actual weight).
Pay up. I’ll take it in future post likes if you’re strapped for cash, but only for posts you wouldn’t already give a like to for their own merit. I like approval, too…
Ok. The first thing that came to mind:
“Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine. A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch.”
Drop me a link right now. The funniest post you wrote to date. I need a laugh after that anti-climactic let down.
I’m messing with you…
But not about the post. Drop me a link here…
Wow, I’m glad I didn’t miss this post, Adam. Well done, my friend. I have had a number of diagnoses over the years for what turns out in the end to be a semi-shitty childhood and likely bipolar disorder. It took years to get the meds right. But I had years of therapy, as well–psychodynamic–which worked well for me. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story!
Happy holidays!
Hugs,
Kathy
Thanks so much for dropping by Kathy. And thanks for sharing a bit of your story as well. You seem to take full advantage of your “highs”. Your art and creativity are a true blessing, even if it costs a turbulent down period every once in a while. Continue to create. You do amazing things — your writing in particular.
Happy Holidays, and best to you, as always!
Look for my rant, prompted by your rant, tomorrow or Friday. In fact, I mentioned you in today’s post
which wasn’t much of a post. I’m not in a writing frame of mind this week.
What a brave (and amazing post). I have never experienced what you are going through, but my partner has and sometimes I think it’s just as hard being on the ‘outside looking in’ and seeing those dark thoughts and confusion ruin a person who craves ‘normality’ and ‘happiness’. But life isn’t like that – we all have our dark thoughts and good and bad days. We are over prescribed because we strive for ‘happiness’ which is completely and utterly over-rated.
Thanks so much, Dianne.
Yeah, I can relate to your situation too. I know people that are REALLY struggling, that’s for sure. I guess it’s a cross to bear on either side.
Always keep your palm under your partner’s chin; sometimes all a person needs is a nudge to move their focus up and away from the ground…
I’ll remember that
I’m passing the Versatile blogger award on to you Adam. (It’s been blogged.)
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
I agree with so much of what you say. I have depression but my mother was bi-polar. Enchanting childhood!
I can only imagine!
Great post, and I agree with you 100% about our society being over medicated. My good friend was put on Paxil for anxiety, he took it for three months then quit because he lost his passion for pretty much everything. It’s been a couple years but he swears he hasn’t been the same since and thinks it somehow permanently screwed him up. It’s easier to pop a pill than to really deal with your issues, and the culture we live in doesn’t always support therapeutic solutions. His insurance doesn’t cover it and even if it did his job wouldn’t allow him the benefit of going to a weekly (or bi-weekly) appointment. So the cycle continues and we just get more and more fucked up by the day. Thanks for writing about it – it does help to know we’re not all alone here. Happy holidays Adam!
Thanks chick, I sincerely appreciate you leaving a thoughtful response on the post.
I’d be curious to know more about your friend. I can totally vouch for what your friend is describing. I’ve said it before, and still believe to a degree that I have changed because of the meds. I’m not really sure how to describe it either. It’s just been a really, really slow recovery process that still continues to this day.
Happy Kwanza, Hanukkah, Christmas, or X-mas to you Single Girlie! Thanks for droppin’ by.
P.S. I miss reading your sex rants…
I can tell you more if you wanna hear – e-mail me at singlegirlie [at] ymail.com. It’s sad and I wish I could help him. It sounds like you have come to terms with it or at least are starting to understand it. He’s not there yet.
The temperature dropped from 75 to 35 in one day and as a result my neck started acting up like crazy. I’m basically in too much pain to write a scathing, sarcastic diatribe at the moment. Hopefully I will be back to normal soon. The Holidays always fuck me up as well. My sister would be 26 on New Year’s Day, but she died 2 years ago by suicide. Her Bipolar took her out. Wow, that was depressing to write. Maybe it would be theraputic to blog about it.
Yes. That was incredibly random.
Adam, you’ve gone AWOL on us…..lol
I’m sorry to hear all this, again. Write about it. It’s always helped me in the past. It helps me to gather and make sense of all of my thoughts.
Sorry for having gone missing in action. I’ve been super busy with the holiday bullshit. I’ve been consumer-whoring around town for the past couple of days. I think i’m finally done…
…Probably not.
Is there a country we could run away to that doesn’t celebrate xmas? I want to go there in 2013.
Pepper, I think they all do now.
Glad you got off the zombie pills. I have heard similar stories. One of them came from my brother. He did much better with therapy than any pill they put him on. I agree that maybe they really can help some people, but if you aren’t those people, good riddance.
Yeah, me too. It’s mad science, and a little too wacky for me, personally. A lot of doctors treat people like lab rats. What it all boils down to is money. I used to think that it was just me being cynical, but then I experienced it firsthand.
Medicine shouldn’t be the drive-through approach that it is. I’ve never met with a family doctor for longer than 10 minutes?!
Now that I think about it, neither have I! I am very cynical when it comes to medicine and doctors. I only go to the doctor if I am half dead and I am still here, so that is all that matters.
I don’t believe you, Becca. If you were half-dead, you wouldn’t be seeing much. Not even a doctor. *Rimshot*
I’ve really flat-lined in the comeback department. *slam dunk*
Very, very impressive.
Thanks for your post. I’m sure that there are a zillion people out there. I was taking anti depressants for a long time and have finally stopped (two months to wean off them, along with the sleeping pills I seemed to have gotten myself slightly attached to) and am feeling pretty good. Not brilliant, but pretty good. The anti d’s did help me a heck of a lot. I also saw a counsellor a number of times and that helped a great deal, too. I find it’s great that these people with waterproof shoulders exist and are paid to listen to one bawl one’s eyes out for the first session or two. I also think that it takes greater courage to seek help than it does to ignore a problem. Sometimes it does take realising the shit you are surrounding yourself with, and making sure you don’t put yourself in shitty situations that you know will upset you. Anyway. I never got a brown leather couch to sit on. I think my bitching-post was more an 80s salmon pink vinyl chair in the doctors room. Jealous much? lol
SQS,
Thanks for taking the time to read and share your story. I wish you the best of luck while you continue to pursue treatment. It’s difficult, I know. Hang in there. Keep pushing. There is always a light at the other side of the tunnel.
Tell your therapist to update the decor…