Car Buying Soldiers, Listen Up!
FALL IN!
If you’re in the market for a car right now, listen up. I have some information that could forever change the way you shop for a vehicle, and help you avoid the runaround at a dealership. I’m talking about proven tactics designed to get you the consumer the most bang for your buck. Or thrown in jail. One or the other.
However, we need to handle a bit of administrative business first.
I’ve been throwing too many house parties lately, and things are starting to get a bit loosey-goosey. So, I’ve decided that in order to regain some of the lost order, I’m bringing in a drill instructor for the rest of the week. He will be answering all of your questions and comments if you have any. Oh, and don’t eat anything greasy before you show up for basic training.
Meet your drill instructor for the week:
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Take it away, Sarge.
*****
Drop by this Thursday and check out Strategic Car Buying 101.
AND DON’T BE LATE. THAT’S AN ORDER!
-Happy Blogging, Private First Class \m/
P.S. Check out the Post of the Week by Society Red!
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No wonder you hated James, he used to be a car salesman.
JAMES SOUNDS LIKE A GIRLY MAN!
Drill sergeant! When do we get to perform a code red on some unsuspecting idiot and start shouting, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!?”
SOLDIER, YOU WILL BE FURTHER INSTRUCTED THIS COMING THURSDAY ON HOW TO HANDLE A CODE RED SITUATION!! NOW FALL BACK IN LINE!
*grumbles under breath* Yes, drill sergeant….
I see a lot refrences to Stripes and Full Metal Jacket in the future Drill Sergeant..
I SEE A LOT OF PUSH UPS IN YOUR FUTURE WITH THAT KIND OF ATTITUDE!
I need this, Mitch! I mean SIR.
BECCA, WHAT KIND OF CAR ARE YOU LOOKING TO BUY!
Although I believe I am pretty talented in the ca buying business sir, I am ready to learn!
YOU BETTER BUCKLE UP YOUR BOOTSTRAPS AND STOP MOUTHIN’ OFF, OR YOU’LL BE PEELIN’ ENOUGH POTATO’S TO FEED GOD DAMN IRELAND!
Ok, Mitch. I mean, Drill Sergeant, SIR! I just may need a car. My car is broken. (P.S. I loved Red’s post. Good choice!)
IS YOUR CAR BROKEN BECAUSE OF AN ARTILLERY SHELL!
Uh, OF COURSE!!
PERMISSION TO WIPE A TEAR AND THANK AMY, SIR!
PERMISSION GRANTED!
Psst…I know, I was a little afraid to say anything. I guess I can always ask permission, huh? Oh, ok. You’re welcome, Red.
Bumbles, Sarge is on lunch right now. I just wanted to tell that you have no reason to feel intimidated by capital letters.
Oh shit, here he comes…
Gny. Sgt. Hartman,
You’re dead. Pyle killed you.
Le Clown
WELL LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE, A GOD DAMN FUNNY MAN!
Adam,
You’ve been conned. Sorry buddy.
Le Clown
I don’t like yelling. Is there a part of basic training where we get to HUG the salesman until he gives me the car just based on my level of awesome? Because… yes. That.
YOU’RE NOT SHOWIN’ ME THAT YOU’RE BOOT CAMP MATERIAL, MS STERN! NOW DROP AND KISS THE GROUND 20 TIMES!
Yes sir! 1…2….. *falls asleep on the ground* Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….
Drill Sergeant, SIR! I’m looking at SELLING my car, SIR!
WHAT KIND OF CAR YOU TRYIN’ TO SELL, MS GRAY!
1998 Subaru WRX – automatic, SIR!
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!
LOL!!!!!, SIR…
YES DRILL SERGEANT, SIR! … I will not quit on you, SIR!
YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO CUT THEM PRETTY BLONDE LOCKS IF YOU WANNA RUN WITH THE BIG BOYS!
May I tuck them under my hat? SIR!
CAN YOU FIT AN ELEPHANT PILE IN A COKE CAN, MS COCHERE?
Hair has been cut, SIR!
Ready to run with the big boys, SIR!
http://www.breezybooks.com/Car_Shopping_Hunter1.jpg
Maddie, Sarge is in the crapper at the moment, so i gotta make this quick. That was funny as hell!
Oh shit, he’s coming back…
Uh.. sir, what if I don’t believe in buying cars? Would your tactics work with annoying salespeople in general?
I LIKE YOU ALREADY, LILLIAN! YOU SEEM TO BE THE BRAINS OF THE OPERATION IN THIS BUNCH!
Uh, what if I have the car of my dreams and don’t want to buy a new car?
WELL THEN I THINK YOU’VE JUST BEEN HANDED YOUR WALKING PAPERS! BUT DROP BY THURSDAY ANYWAYS!
WILL DO!
Yes Drill Sergeant, Sir! I will not be late, Sir! I will try to stay out of jail, SIR!
I LIKE YOU ALREADY MS FOUR EYES!
Adam,
WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION NUMBNUTS! DIDN’T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?
Adam you are too nice putting me up as the post of the week! Round two is coming up as soon as I finish up another project I’m working on. I promise it will be worthy and full of sexual over and undertones.
Great post dude, who doesn’t hate fucking car salesmen!
But my car is fine. And of course I have a pickup truck for backup…NUMBNUTS!
Red
RED, YOU ARE WELCOME! I KNOW A FINE GENTLEMAN WHEN I SEE ONE! STAY OUTTA TROUBLE, AND YOU’LL BE MOVIN RIGHT UP THE RANKS!
I think I speak for the entire platoon when I say that when you tell us to move, we’ll move fast. When you tell us to jump, we’ll yell “How high?” When you tell us to torch the fuckin’ car dealership because they won’t throw in the floormats, we’ll say “We LOVE the smell of napalm in the mornin’!” HOO-AH!
YOU STRIKE ME AS A REAL SMART GUY! TELL ME, WHY IS THERE A NUMBER THREE IN YOUR NAME SON? IS THAT IN CASE SOMEONE HAS TO REORDER AN EXTRA ONE OF YOU’S?!
YES, DRILL SERGEANT, SIR! PERMISSION TO ASK A QUESTION, SIR! WELL, I’M ASKING ANYWAY!
Is my kid correct that having him learn to drive in a car that looks like a toaster with a standard shift cruel and unusual punishment?
DOES THE VEHICLE IN QUESTION MAKE TOAST?
ONLY IF YOU PLUG A TOASTER UP INSIDE OF IT. MAKES AN AWESOME POP TART TOO.
The real question will be, what car should I get for myself when I am not responsible for toting teenagers anymore!
WELL THEN WHY, MIGHT I ASK, DOES IT HAVE FOUR WHEELS ON IT IF IT MAKES POP TARTS! AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, MS GINGER, A FORD!
I could have used him when I bought my car acouple of years ago. I hate buying cars!
THAT’S THE KIND OF SPIRIT WE’RE LOOKIN FOR AROUND HERE!
You’re welcome.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ANOTHER SMARTASS WHO JUST SHOWED UP!
Hey, I didn’t enlist. I’m a civvie.
Sir, I don’t have a driver’s license but request permission to attend class anyway, Sir!
MADAME WEEBLES YOU ARE NOW THE OFFICIAL GUEST OF HONOR AT THIS PUSH UP PARTY! I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT!
PERMISSION GRANTED!
If I have to shave my head, screw it.
CALAHAN, GRAB YOURSELF A HAIR NET THEN!
Then I have to just re-comb my hair, later. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for any of this.
That military speak cracks me up.
YOU THINK THIS IS TIME FOR FUN AND GAMES, EOF737?!
Well, now I’m 10 hrs late to the party, but as I said when I was first in line: I can’t stand car salesmen… and a close second are appliance sales. This is a riot Adam and I only wish I’d had some of these ideas when I bought my last car, or… my last oven.
Very funny post. Both times.
WE CLEANED UP THAT TRASHY PARTY ATMOSPHERE AROUND HERE A LONG TIME AGO! NOW I DIDN’T COME ON BOARD TO PLAY MEDIATOR, BUT ADAM SAYS THANKS!
NOW FALL IN LINE!
Gunny is the MAN! And so are you, Adam!
Thanks for pointing to SocietyRed…funny as hell.
Looking forward to catching up on what you’ve been griping about, Bitchmaster (give me a break, it’s my first go at nicknaming you…I’ll get better with practice…it’ll be like shopping online where you have the option to get a new card number for each purchase…I do not, however, offer a money back guarantee.)
I will give you a break this time. No money back necessary, even though I have very little at the moment.
No problemo, by the way. Red’s awesome. He’s always got a good story. If you’re trolling his page, look for the one about his time spent at the sorority house. That one’s even better!