I’m not working a whole lot right now, so in an effort to conserve money, I went out and bought myself a $550 iPad. Yes, I know, Suze Orman fans, I have a low financial IQ – just like every other normal American. To say that I’m remorseful about this decision would be an understatement. At the moment, I’m approximately six and a half miles from having to siphon my neighbor’s gas at night.
Money aside, I’m in another crisis situation: for the past 72 hours and counting I’ve been on a Yatzy Addict binge.
If you’re not familiar with Yatzy Addict, it’s a knockoff app version of the board game, Yahtzee. I can’t stop playing it. I wake up in the middle of the night to take a leak, and one quick game turns into an all-night bender. In the morning I look and feel like a junkie: bloodshot eyes, bags, pasty complexion, guilt-ridden… If I don’t start working soon I’m gonna have to check myself into some kind of a rehab clinic.
I don’t play casually, either. I play with intensity. And passion. I yell at the computer and swear a lot. According to my dense logic, the computer is out to get me. It has sent evil avatars from space to destroy me and turn me into a boiling mess.
And to think, there was a time when I didn’t understand the allure of the tablet computer…
3 years ago
Adam: ”You want me to buy this iPad so I can play Angry Birds, you say? Stop right there. I’m perfectly happy with my stationary desktop computer that sounds like a microwave oven. What’s so useful about a portable computer that fits in the palm of your hand, and has a camera, and iTunes, and the internet, and that cool notepad thingy? Shame on you for being such a stupid consumer!”
…Now look at me: yelling at computer avatars in the heat of a Yatzy tirade.
I underestimated the addictive qualities of the iPad. I can’t put it down. For someone who once had hopes of weaning himself from the computer, the last thing I needed to do was run out and have one surgically attached to my fucking arm. To give you an idea of the magnitude of this problem, half the comments I left on your blogs this week occurred while I was sitting on the throne.
Yes. I know. But I’m a believer in making constructive use of down time. Wait, no. That’s not true. I waste all kinds of time. I guess staring at the back of the tablet for 72 hours straight would be just as productive. It would be a lot more boring, but equally as productive.
I’m like this with everything.
There’s a switch inside of me. It’s all or nothing. Last week it was Nintendo. Yes, the original. I thought it would be *neato* to relive my childhood, so I dug it out of the storage closet and spent the next half hour blowing in game cartridges. Low and behold, the fucker actually worked. The next thing I know, it’s four o’ clock in the morning and I’m still hunkered down, yelling at Link and Mario…
I guess my problems go way back.
Am I the only one suffering from iPad Addiction? Which app is your vice?
-Happy Blogging \m/