The Curious Practice of Vaginal Knitting


*Record Scratch*

o-VAGINAL-KNITTING-570

Doo Dee Doo!

Yes, you heard that correctly.  Another one of those “in the name of Art” people is apparently stuffing her love donut with balls of yarn and knitting sweaters from it, in an expression known as Vaginal Knitting.

I guess cramming a fistful of Dominos up the bunghole was a bit too risque’.

Cooter-crafter and self proclaimed “feminist artist”, Casey Jenkins, is the pioneer of this fishy new trend.  According to the Huffington Post, “Jenkins has described the piece as “arousing” and promises to work non-stop during the days she’s knitting, come hell or high water… or menstruation.”

Ms. Jenkins is obviously not in possession of a Webster’s Dictionary, because she is incorrectly using the term “arousing” in this example.  There is nothing about this act even remotely arousing.  In fact, I think it would be more likely for me to get a boner from gawking at a napkin dispenser with Icy Hot on my danglers, than from watching this weaver’s beaver in action.

I can’t imagine many people are attending the Jenkins residence for Christmas either.  The  people that do show up are probably all sitting around on plastic-covered furniture, unwrapping their ugly sweaters with rubber gloves on that were issued to them upon entry of said residence.

Jenkins’ Son:  “Cool, another sweater!”

Jenkins:  “Now go run and put it in the dryer, sweetheart!”

Birthing a Mitten

Or a possibly a throw rug, one or the other…
Source: http://rumble.com/viral/p1019384-funny-way-to-born-child.html

Yuck.

Why, in the 21st Century, with all of the these crazy new apps, High Definition TV, internet porn, and State Parks, are we regressing to things like this for entertainment purposes?

The day that anyone I’m dating comes home and tries to talk me into wearing a sweater that fell out of her birth canal, is the day that I start sneezing gold coins.  I mean, it would be cool to have an endless financial source and all, but the point I’m trying to make here is that it isn’t very likely to happen.  Ever.

Sanitary reasons aside, there are also potential health risks like, burns and abrasions, and getting it stuck up in there.  And for those of you who have ever gone night fishing with me, you’re already aware of how painstakingly difficult it is to untangle a ball of line without a flashlight handy.

Given the constraints of human anatomy, this would be a slight chore.  It may even require a brief hospital stay if scissors are introduced at any point.  But, I would advise scheduling a doctor visit prior to the self-removal procedure.  And then I would advise you to invest in a board game like, Monopoly.

What will it be next…

Cheers to Another Ugly Sweater-Wearing Holiday, Chowderheads \m/

Article Source:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/04/vaginal-knitting_n_4386419.html

95 comments

  1. Rachael Black

    I’m currently working on a pattern for Kotex. Will let you know how it flows goes.
    As an aside: my first creation was a replica of the Tom Baker scarf for a Doctor Who convention. Sadly, the labor pains became so intense that a C-section was required. The doctor couldn’t believe the yarn I was spinning.

  2. omawarisan

    I’m so grateful that I’m pretty sure my grandmother didn’t know how to do this, so I can convince myself that I can keep that afghan over the…

    Damn it.

    • Chowderhead

      I got a 25% off coupon for an upholstery company that’s been hanging on my fridge for like, 3 weeks. I got you covered. Your afghan had you covered too…

      …Gross!

  3. Rosie Baillie

    For once I’m speechless, I don’t even know where to start with this. Why, just why is this even necessary? It’s not art. It’s a little bit like me saying I’m going to eat some ingredients, vomit them up and then cook your dinner.

    • Chowderhead

      Well, that just turned my stomach, so thank you! Dude, I have noo idea what is going on here. I was flippin’ through Huffington Post on lunch yesterday, and when I saw this I went into a hysterical laughing fit and could not stop! I just don’t get?

  4. Nicole Marie

    Love donut…
    Cooter crafter…
    Weaver’s beaver…

    BAHAHAHAHAHA.

    And here I was wondering about something romantic to get Joe for Christmas! What’s more personal than a sweater soaked in my own love juice! God that’s disgusting and I can’t believe I just said that.

    • Chowderhead

      I actually went there! Oh man…just do the gift card thing…

      And thank you, very much \m/ I was trying to work “Weave it to Beaver” in there some place, but it just wasn’t happening haha!

  5. Twindaddy

    Okay, when i saw the title of the linked article yesterday I thought that this woman was somehow actually knitting using only her vagina. I admit to being slightly curious as to how that would be done. But then I clicked on the link and learned what she was actually doing and my jaw hit the floor while the words “WHAT THE FUCK?” simultaneously escaped my mouth.

    I mean, look at that picture. All of that was at one point shoved up her vag. At the same time. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?

  6. Sofia Leo

    Srsly? This might be the stupidest “feminist statement” I’ve ever seen. Ew. Just, EW. She’s gonna end up with an infection before it’s all over, mark my words…

      • Chowderhead

        Well, that was what I requested, but my artist ran out of ink before it was finished. It says “Welcome Abo”, and well, that’s just gonna start giving the wrong impression about me, because that doesn’t sound like a very feminine name…

      • Sofia Leo

        Maybe your artist can scrounge up enough ink to add a little tail to the ‘o’ to make it an ‘a’? Or you could add it yourself later – I hear a heated straight pin and India ink work well…

      • Chowderhead

        I can’t STAND Abba! But Dancing Queen was cool. I’ll give them that. It’s definitely a hard one not to sing along too whenever it’s on in the car…

        I didn’t just say that…

    • Chowderhead

      Yeah, really, geez. I mean, maybe she’s right? You’d probably need to do a little stimulating or something beforehand to make the process a little more comfortable, but who knows! And thanks for reading and for the reblog, always a huge thanks! Also, your giggles are my reward, so thank you. \m/

    • Chowderhead

      Snatch! That’s the one I couldn’t think of! Thank you, darlin. It was a funny article, even though that was not the intention, but I couldn’t resist. Peace, love, and all that shit right back, Carmen \mm/

  7. alienredqueen

    I don’t… I mean… she actually, like, uses her labia to, what, guide the knitting needles? I don’t even understand how this works… (And FYI, it shouldn’t be “fishy,” unless chick needs a good dose of antibiotics.)

  8. ddupre315

    oh come on you guys can’t see this becoming a fetish? I can totally visualize some sleazy guy with a greasy comb-over putting on a mitten made with love juice and going to town on himself….ACK! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! Damn you Chowderhead.

    Is there a term for rug burn from a mitten?

  9. Wendy Brydge

    For the love of God. Just when I think humanity has topped the “I’m an f-ing moron” summit, some hosebag goes and does THIS. WHY? Why, why, why? How did she even have this thought to begin with. Was this a “Eureka!” moment in the bathtub, or while she was cruising down the street in her Vulva — damn it! No, sorry, VOLVO! I meant Volvo!

    It’s G-R-O-S-S. And as an artist myself, I’m sorry but people like this degrade the title. Today art can be LITERALLY any shit that some pervert well… shits out. BLECH!

    Thank you for this image that may never leave my mind, Adam. I hope you get a knitted scarf for Christmas.

    (Merry Christmas, btw though!)

    • Chowderhead

      Wendy!

      Geez! Calm down for a second here, and let’s talk through this. Yes, it is a very curious Art form happening here. I’m not sure how or why it is considered art, but I am not one to judge to harshly, because on some days, I consider what I do to be “Art”. When, in fact, it’s a highly refined form of Satirical Rantings. I don’t know. But this, this here, really caught me off guard and I’m picking up that you feel the same way about. I would venture a guess that we, among many others, share the same sentiments. Let’s all let out a collective sigh and just leave it at “what the fuck?!” and move on with our lives.

      And P.S. I hope I don’t get a knitted scarf for Christmas. And I hope you don’t either. Gross.

      (Merry Christmas to you too!)

  10. The Hook

    So let em get this straight: Casey Jenkins stuffs wool up her honey pot, knits with it and the Huffington Post gives a damn? Meanwhile. I’ve wasted years trying to capture their attention by submitting brilliant posts to their editors when all I had to do was get some craft supplies and stuff them up my back side?
    Boy, do I feel foolish…

  11. singlegirlie

    Vaginas are more handy than one would think. Have you ever been to Thailand? Walking down the street a man promoting a show (I guess their form of performance art?) handed me a list that read: “Pussy play ping pong” (well, duh, we knew that), “Pussy smoke cigarette,” “Pussy write letter” and about 20 other tasks that can be carried out by the pussy. And you thought they were just a fun zone for your penis. Think again, my friends!

    • Chowderhead

      They can write letters too?! I might pay to see that, seriously. Now, are we talking cursive? Or kindergartner-level penmanship?

      By the way, check out that video link I posted in the comments of the Penis Painter. It’s an instant classic.

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