Blog Hop: The Most Outlandish Anxiety Tale Ever Told


Have you ever had one of those moments where suddenly, out of nowhere, you felt really nervous for absolutely no reason?  Maybe, like, you’re standing in line at the grocery store, staring at someone’s bananas on the conveyor belt…

…and then you begin creating this catastrophic what-if scenario in your head in which you all of the sudden FREAK OUT and hold up the register with a banana under your shirt, which leads to some kind of hostage situation, which leads to police helicopters and news reporters and swat teams, which leads to your mugshot being flashed on CNN headline news everywhere, which leads to getting hit in the head with one of those bean bag guns, which leads to you going to prison, which leads to having to share a cot with some guy named Dimples who likes to cuddle, which leads to a terrifying stroll down the death row corridor with a potato sack over your head, which leads to being strapped into the electric chair…

…and then the very polite girl at the register timidly says, “your total is $4.99″, sir, and you’re all like,

“PLEASE DON’T SEND ME TO PRISON IT’S JUST A BANANA LOOK!”

And then everybody looks at you with weird looks on their faces, and probably thinking to themselves that that’s exactly where you belong…

I will...smash...this...or something...in your face if you don't give me money.

I will…smash…this…or something…in your face if you don’t give me money.

That’s called Anxiety. I do that sometimes.  Well, sorta..

But it got me to thinking (irony) about how much anxiety (and depression) have helped me write stories. After all, that’s basically what anxiety is, right?  I guess it’s all in how you look at it.  Are you a “poor, helpless anxiety sufferer”?  Or, do you have the gift of being a fucking great fiction writer?  When you think about it, having a freak out episode, or an anxiety or panic attack, or a grey matter meltdown, or whatever you wanna call it, is nothing but a series of creatively fabricated events that never happen. It’s fiction.  A lot of the time, it’s really good fiction.

So I thought it would be a cool idea to celebrate our varying degrees of mainstream neuroticism by kicking of a BLOG HOP starting HERE this Thursday.  Anxiety deserves a laugh, and for that matter, Depression does too.  Rather than sit around and cry about it, why not recognize these things as gifts?  They are weird gifts, yes: “Gee, thanks for this, um, gift stuff…”

The point I’m trying to make is this: Apply it to Something.  Many already do, and just don’t recognize it.  Maybe you’ll learn to recognize it beginning today?

The blog-hopping story – similar to the one told at the intro to this post – will mozy on down a long trail of other crazy people – all with the ability to produce great anxiety-inspired fiction.  If it works (it’s already working), you’ll get a chance to read a really funny, highly outlandish story, collectively told in very small parts by a lot of really talented writers.  You’ll get to visit all off your buds, click the like button, fart, and move on to the next blog in no time flat.

Sound like fun? It will be!

Want to join?  You should!

Sign on the dotted line in the comment section!

Oh, and Psst!  Ericka Clay is playing along at some point along the story path, so you know it’s gonna be 2 legit to quit.  Nothing like a good old fashioned name drop.

Salute \m/

 

43 comments

  1. R. C. Black

    You KNOW I’ll be there. How can I resist The Doctor’s orders combined with my own convoluted and delightful diagnosis?
    Dig the banana theme and randomly neurotic heart-pounding TV episode you’ve outlined. Your delightfully derailed train of fantastic thought always draws me in.
    Need to mark my calendar, refill the meds, stock up on Fresca and Effexor then we’re off.
    Contact Stephen Moffat!
    P.S. Will we learn how to defend ourselves with a banana?

    • Chowderhead

      Haha, I agree. Always a good story. Everybody is writing a small part of this outlandish story – 200 words or less. However, you have to wait until the person posting in front of you passes their section on to you. That way you’ll know where to pick the story up from. Make sense?

      Oh, and I think I’m going to extend it as more people hop on board. It doesn’t make any sense to crunch it out. People got shit to do. Speaking of, I gotta jet. Ta ta, and talk to ya soon, Amy \m/

      • Amy Reese

        I have my own anxious story to tell…but I will check in tomorrow and see how this will work. I’m not sure I get it. How do you know who is writing the story next, etc.

  2. Deanna Herrmann

    I’m so excited to see the final product! Let me know about the title and confirm the scheduling time….especially for me in Deutschland zu know ;-)

  3. samara

    What the actual fuck?
    I no longer see ANYONE I care about in my reader. It’s clogged with 200 blogs I DON’T want to read.
    I didn’t see this. I just clicked on your blog by happenstance (take that, you red-line whore!).
    I almost DIED of anxiety yesterday. True story.
    How do I hop on the blog hop?

    • Chowderhead

      Hi. I’m not sure, but I think you should do yourself a favor and get that shit figured out pronto. I almost died yesterday of a Gurglebuster or whatever it is called. It was messy and embarrassing. I’ll definitely keep you posted on the next one – maybe someone will volunteer to host it. \m/

      • samara

        It’s Garglebuster!
        Am I the only one who thinks that sounds like porn?

        Seriously, it’s like WordPress has figured out all my favorite blogs, and purposely keeps THOSE out of my feed.

        And I’m left with a bunch of recipes and travel shit. Like I have time to cook! And if I could travel, would I be blogging like an asshole?

  4. jennsmidlifecrisis

    As usual, I get caught up on my reading…too late…I think I am suffering with brain rot paired with insufferable insecurity…sounds just like my toilet…mostly clogged down deep and never really certain if it can finish the job successfully…

  5. Pingback: The Blog Hop Starts Here!!! | Chowderhead
  6. anntogether.com

    Hey there Chowderhead (little blog brother) – what great Lexapro you’re pushing. I’ll do my best to read this week, but the daughter just had a marathon 2-day, Sweet 16 (renamed 16 eaters who appear sweet). There’s an anxiety tale; the teens keep eating, they move on to the house innards, the flooring, the family pets, then they eat each other until the last most vicious and hungriest remains, then she comes after you and all you have is a plastic flyswatter, 2 used cotton balls and a really big…. Where was I, oh yeah, my excuse for trying to keep up with reading this week – next I got my big Italian family coming in for Easter (3 days). Alas, I will power on and read some in between the madness because there in lies all the blood in the veins of ideas…
    AnnMarie
    your ever-aging blog sister who recently used the flyswatter, two used cotton balls and her really big…

    • Chowderhead

      …ten inch of a record? (Aerosmith joke) Hey, thanks for fitting it into your busy schedule. This was a lot of fun. Kind of a weird topic, but that’s what made it great. Also, sorry for taking so long to respond. I’ve been in kind of a disconnect mode here lately. I’m usually a little more prompt.

      Make sure to stop on by the next one. If you’re interested in writing, make sure you let anyone involved know – it’s open to anyone. The fiction stuff is fun to write.

      Rock on with your flyswatter and stuff, Ann \m/

      • anntogether.com

        No worries Chowderhead. I decided to blog to keep my thoughts nearby, otherwise they float away and then even my trusty flyswatter fails me.
        Disconnecting is not only good – it’s smart and healthy. You have a phenom weekend – I must prepare for the onslaught of Italians coming to my home for Easter (hey, it won’t be all that bad – I get to find candy) ;-)
        AnnMarie
        You chill whenever needed and create only when your head is bulging – never feel bad about a slow return – I’m sure I have many in my future as I’m 50 million years old ;-)
        -And I’ll give the writing thing a go at some point…

  7. anonomouse

    Okay, so still being relatively new to the blogosphere (I can hear some of you already shouting out ‘SHUN THE NEWBIE!!’), I’ve only just learnt what a ‘blog-hop’ is. Granted, I don’t necessarily quite understand it yet, however, I’ve followed this anxiety tale and it’s (in high-pitched voice) AWE-SOMMME!! So far, I’m up to the third part of the story, and can pretty much say that no work will be happening today… too preoccupied reading this tale of anxiety.

    Such an awesome idea. :-D

    • Chowderhead

      Welcome, newb!

      We all started as newbs! I’m glad you stopped by to check it out – it was a lot of fun to watch unfold. And a blog hop is just a chain of bloggers. You put a link at the bottom of your post to direct a reader to the next blog. Whoever came up with the idea ate their oatmeal that morning or something.

      Thanks for the props, and keep an eye out – anybody is welcome to join in the next one!

      • anonomouse

        Who you callin a newb, you Chowderhead! *lol*

        There just needs to be more of this on the interwebs. It just reminds me of the writing challenge we used to do in English, where one person writes a paragraph of a story, then folds the paper over, only showing the last line for the next person to write their paragraph etc.

        In theory, it’s a great idea.

        …unless you’re in a class full of dickheads and then your story reads something like:

        “Rachel was sweating from her overwhelming axiety, and she knew she had to reach into the hole in the wall. She took a deep breath and slowly reached into the cobweb-covered cavity.

        Suddenly she screamed…

        …all she could feel were dicks. Big dicks, small dicks, hairy dicks. She was so turned on, she got splinters from licking the wall whilst touching herself with her free hand.

        She yanked her arm out and was terrified by what she saw on her hand…

        …so much cum. she wiped it on her titties and on her lips – both of them.

        She fell back onto the floor in exhaustion…

        …before she got demon-pounded by a ghost.

        See what I mean. Whenever we had a substitute teacher, they’d always make us do this exercise, and very quickly realised that it was just a giant mistake. Instead, they’d just let us do our own thing. Well, until some fuckwit would pull out a pot of glue or a banana or something and throw it at the fans, resulting in everybody getting a lunchtime detention.

        Fuck I hated Year 11 English.

        Can’t wait to read your next blog-hopping adventure.

      • anonomouse

        Hehehe I wish I had’ve kept the original copy – I’d send you a photo of it.

        As for me, well that depends… are you going to try flirting with me? Let’s just say that I’m neither – I’m just dead inside. Soul-less… like Gingers…

        Not that I’m a ginger…

        The answers you seek hide amongst the ramblings and rants of my blog… mmwwahahaha.

      • Chowderhead

        No doubt, that’s some pretty funny shit! And as far as the flirting goes, no. I’m wearing the hetero badge haha. I will however, salute you with the rock fist: \m/ as we are all equals here. And find your soul, you’re gonna need that.

        Rock on my man, and stop by anytime. I’m glad you dug the blog hop.

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