Tagged: a clown on fire

February 4, 2013

Le Clown and Me in the Dirty D

Yes boys and girls, you read that right. The Ring Leader of the wackiest circus show on earth popped in for a day long tour of the Motor City, and guess who the lucky shmuck was that had to babysit his ass?

It’s been a week and I’m still recovering…

I’m convinced there was no way of preparing for the unexpected visit. In less than twelve hours, the powdery little freakshow turned my hometown into a raging dumpster fire. See Exhibit A.

Exhibit A. Le Clown *beautification project.

To find out more about all the ridiculous antics, outbursts, and clowning around, check out my guest post today on A Clown on Fire: http://clownonfire.wordpress.com/. It’s a goody.

If you’re really bored, check out http://www.theimpersonals.com. At 10am EST, they’re gonna be featuring that goofy Fotoshop post of mine from last week. Drop off a rock star salute!

Oh, and I just watched Bar Refaeli make out with the Godaddy nerd For the first time. Wow does money talk…

-Happy Blogging \m/

Related Articles

Blogroll Inductee – My Right to Bitch (clownonfire.wordpress.com)
A Clown on Bed Rest (clownonfire.wordpress.com)
Still Speaking Hypothetically… (righttobitch.com)

January 27, 2013

Happy Birthday, Monsieur Le Clown!

If it’s good enough for Maurice, it’s good enough for Le Clown. Maybe better.

Dear Eric,

First of all, Fuck you for making me get out of bed before 3pm on a Sunday *morning to say Happy Birthday. Second, I don’t work well under pressure. You gotta tell me these things sooner. I didn’t even know Canadians celebrated birthdays until today.

I’ve been running around town all morning trying to find a keg of bubbly water, a hot tray of Poutine, and an embroidery shop. This ain’t the first party I’ve planned, but it’s probably the most challenging thus far. You have very *specific tastes, my friend — like an emperor or something.

To add to the last minute stress, the guy at the embroidery shop was being a dickhead. He was giving me a hard time about using the number 9. I don’t know what the hell his problem was, but according to him, some Richard dude used to wear it. Never heard of the guy…

If it wasn’t for your Birthday, Eric, January would be a complete waste of a month. As a matter of fact, I was considering petitioning to have it removed from the calendar altogether. I think it’s worth keeping now. The month of January will hereby be dedicated to your life and living legendness.

You and your ego, my friend, are a seemingly bottomless well of creative ideas, and you’re doing a fine job of making the rest of us look like a bunch of slack-off assholes. You and your hoighty toighty blogroll extravaganzas, Monty Python-ish fanclubs, photo-shopping, Dear Abby Advice Columns, Twitter-ing with the fucking CEO of WordPress…

One-upper.

A very Happy Birthday to you, Monsieur Eric! And a bitchin’ Birthday salute!!

\m/

Le Birthday Clown (wordsandotherthings.wordpress.com)
Le Clown and Nancy Drew Walk into a Bar… (lamentsandlullabies.wordpress.com)
Can Clowns Hire Clowns for Their Birthday Parties? (25tofly.com)

December 27, 2012

What Do Missiles, Paul Reiser, and Elevator Farting Have in Common?

In order to find out what all of these things have in common, you’ll have to stop by the My Right to Bitch Blogroll Induction Ceremony on A Clown on Fire. And bring a side a dish. Preferably one with lots of beer in it.

It’s a gloriously festive occasion. I hope you can make it.

I’ve cracked the code. At least I think I did. Stop by the party, and I’ll explain the inner workings of the the very wacky, impressionistic, and sometimes indecipherable A Clown on Fire website. Important answers will be discovered. Answers to questions like, “What the Fuck is a A Clown on Fire?” Perhaps the most burning question of all…

It’s must read material.

Would you expect any less?

Here’s a Preview:

A Clown on Fire is Like:

#3. Eating the most delectable piece of chocolate cake, and finding a dirty band-aid with part of a finger still attached to it in the last bite… (the suspense)

I don’t wanna spoil the fun…

The man in the blue tie just shit his pants. The man in the Red Scarf was the first to realize it. The short man will be the first to hurl…

Go check it out!

-Happy Blogging \M/

Blogroll Inductee – My Right to Bitch (clownonfire.wordpress.com)
Whats the Difference Between Brownies and Chocolate Cake? (proflowers.com)
Tinkerbell, Fairy 3 Tier Cake (fairydustdelights.com)

November 5, 2012

A Clown on Fire: Raising le Blogging Bar

If you suffer from Coulrophobia, get a grip. Take your meds, breath into a bag — do whatever you have to do to get yourself stabilized, then go and visit A Clown on Fire’s blog.

Le Clown himself. Illustrious Author, Winner of Awards, Wearer of Patrick Roy jerseys. Join the Circus at your own Risk.

If you’re not familiar with him already, Le Clown is a fast-rising WordPress phenom, and winner of the prestigious Alan Smithee Blog Award. He’s the man solely responsible for Canada’s leading export, quality blog content – surpassing the country’s previous top export, maple syrup. He’s also a surprisingly polite French Canadian (an oxymoron, I know), and a fluent speaker of both French and Frenglish. You might be wondering how I know so much about Canada? Please, there isn’t much to learn…

When I’m not busy looking for porn on the internet, I’m usually reading through blogs – lots of them. It’s a great way to find inspiration when (le) creative tank is running on fumes. When I first discovered Le Clown, I immediately noticed that his material had the opposite effect on me. Rather than leaving me with a new found sense of inspiration, I felt like a poo-head instead. View at your own risk. By the time you finish visiting the circus, you’ll undoubtedly want to end your pathetic blogging career.

I’m packing my desk as I write. I’ve decided to pursue things that come natural to me from now on — things like breathing, walking, etc. Ok, I’m no slouch, but god damn, this guy is endlessly funny — especially the comment threads.

Despite his ego being the size of the Northwest Territories, Le Clown is unlike many of the honorary members of (le) Freshly Pressed hall of fame. As we all know, the majority of stuff on the front page is sub-par. However, Le Clown has rightfully earned his star on the sidewalk by continuing to produce stellar content. As a result, his viewership is trending upward, post-induction – ahem, WordPress editors, market research opportunity!

His phenomenal readership aside, engagement with fans is what I find most impressive. Every person that interacts with his blog is acknowledged, unlike some truly arrogant players I’ve come across. I can’t even imagine the amount of time that’s required to keep up with (le) blog. I get anxious just thinking about it.

You may be wondering if I’m a paid promoter of the circus. The answer is no. You may also be wondering if I’d like to be a paid endorser. The answer is an enthusiastic yes. I won’t quit my day job yet…

Remember your daily affirmations, Adam S. He is only a clown. He cannot hurt you. You are a fucking winner today. Remember your Alan Smithee Blog Award.

More Clowns you Should be Afraid of:

Homey the Clown – Step out of line and you’re gonna get a rock-filled sock to the back of the head. Whatever shenanigans you may be considering, rest assured, Homey don’t play that game.
Ronald McDonald - Don’t be fooled by this clown’s happy disposition. He’s laughing all the way to the bank while you stuff your gut full of hamburger grease. If you’re not careful, he might have to blow up a balloon catheter animal inside one of your arteries soon. Would you like fries with that?
Carrot Top - Never trust a clown that’s going through Anabolic Steroid withdrawal. What ever happened to the skinny goofball with the suitcase full of props? The bigger he gets the more he looks like a woman. I don’t get it?

A few other things Le Clown can do that you can’t:

Impregnate women just by staring at them — some men, too
Fashionably wear white foundation and a foam nose in public
Watch Hockey Night in Canada while his ego does the grocery shopping

*****

Very commendable effort my French-speaking neighbor to the north. I bow to Le Clown and always enjoy your humor. Canada, please don’t be offended by this ignorant American — he means no harm. Besides, I love Don Cherry.

Merci Beaucoup…

-Happy Blogging Ya Coulrophobic Bitchers!