I’m so excited right now. I can barely contain myself.
Originally, I wasn’t even gonna post anything for the New Year, and then I thought: how could I pass on the perfect opportunity to recap, rock out, spread some lovin’ butter, and announce all of the cool shit that I have planned for 2013?
Ready. Set. Launch.
2012: The Year of the Bitcher
First off, this has been such an incredible past four months. Getting all of this stuff out of my head and onto paper has been nothing short of orgasmic. What a silly word. Whatever. Creative writing is something that I’ve always wanted to do in one capacity or another, but I never really had the discipline or support that I would have liked in order to pursue it. It’s hard to imagine that only three posts into it I almost quit.
…I’m glad I didn’t.
I owe it to all of you insanely cool people that have jumped on board and backed me up. You’ve stood behind me each and every wacky post. I’ve never in my life had this kind of unconditional support. Ever. I’m getting a bit choked up.
No. Fuck that. Hold it in.
I know it sounds kind of cheese, but it’s the truth. Your readership, participation, and encouragement have inspired me in ways greater than you’ll ever know, and it’s you that continues to inspire the evolution of this raging monster that I call: MY RIGHT TO BITCH.
I don’t just write for me. That would be boring as hell if it were the only reason. It’s not interactive that way.
I write for you, too, and that’s why I love blogging. It doesn’t just get put into a drawer in some shitty, pleather-bound journal — it gets launched into cyber space. And after it goes live, it becomes a full-contact sport. Anything goes.
Every time I send something out there, within minutes, you guys are already chewing it up, twisting it, breaking it, spinning it, smashing it, lighting it on fire, and barfing it back onto my screen. That’s the coolest part for me. That’s the pay off. To put time into something that I love so much, and to have it all come back to me like that makes me want to keep doing it.
And for all that, I love you. There. I said it.
The Awards Shit Show
Thanks to all the people that went out of their way to drop an award off. I don’t get into all of the question answering stuff, but I greatly appreciate the recognition. If you nominated me for an award over the past month, check out the Trophies and Stuff tab, and scroll to the bottom of the page. There’s a little thank you note for each one of you guys. I can’t promise that it’ll be a love letter. You know me. I also included a link back to your page as well. Thank you.
Now please don’t send me any more fucking homework assignments.
Post of the Week
You probably noticed in the sidebar an image with the title: Post of the Week. There’s also a new tab at the top of the screen with the same header. This is a new, totally rad thing that I’m gonna be doing from now on. Fuck being Freshly Pressed. Post of the Week is way cooler.
Every week, as usual, I’ll be trolling the blogosphere in hot pursuit of one standout post – one that I think deserves to be read and recognized. There are no genre limitations. Check back often. Whether you’re here or not, I’ll be sure to let you know if you got picked.
See, this is just another one of those reasons why I should be getting a Christmas Card from you.
The Bitchin’ Blogroll
The Blogroll is finally up. Scroll to the bottom of the sidebar. Hopefully I didn’t make any glaring mistakes or leave anyone out. Call me out on it if I did. After all this stuff my brain is officially toast — mistakes are likely.
It’s kinda like checking to see if you made the basketball team, isn’t it? Many more to follow…
Guest Panel Shenanigans
Now for the big announcement. This is going to be off-the-hook. At the top of the screen you’ll see another new tab titled: Join the Guest Panel. Click it.
Read it. Sign up.
Don’t be intimidated.
I’m gonna need some help throughout the coming year. I’m putting together a series of Blogger Panels that will become part of some interactive blog ideas I have in the hopper. I can’t go into details. It’s top secret for the time being, so don’t ask me to tell you about it. If I told you I’d have to kill you. Well, maybe not that extreme. But I’d definitely have to break your fingers.
All *auditions* need to be submitted in the comment section under the Join the Guest Panel tab at the top of the screen. Please. Keep this organized. I’m sitting on top of Mt. Laundry right now. Make it easy for me.
Lastly, a few personal shout outs: thank you to The Cheeky Diva for her help in getting me FP’d (sounds dirty), and to Le Clown for the guest blogging opportunities on both Black Box Warnings, and A Clown on Fire‘s Christmas Blogroll Extravaganza. And finally, thank you to Mr. Radar Nelson for the guest blogging spot on Seasons of Insanity. Nancy Grace is a Pig.
Are you excited? I’m jacked to the max. I can’t wait to start the New Year.
It’s gonna be a big one. It’s gonna be a fun one. And it’s gonna be jam packed with more profanity, shenanigans, and water-based lube than ever before. I’m glad to have you all aboard. Let’s rock and roll…
-Happy New Year, and Happy Blogging \m/
I’ve been a real arrogant asshole lately. Look at me — hoarding all of my prized trophies without sharing them with anyone else. It’s been a long time coming, but I finally got around to passing out some hardware to all the folks that I’m grateful for. You’ve been supportive, thoughtful, inspirational, and bitchin’. Take your awards and hide them in a safe place. You are all winners. We are winners together. Oh, and fuck all that question answering bullshit. Pass them on. Praise a few people that deserve it. Thank you all.
Enter the Award Ceremony to check out a bunch of wickedly cool people. Or don’t. Your choice.
But don’t do this:
-Happy Blogging Bitchers!
- Those Asshole Secessionists (pervertedwisdom.com)
- Memo to the assholes who still call themselves my family (kevinroy.org)
If you’re not familiar with him already, Le Clown is a fast-rising WordPress phenom, and winner of the prestigious Alan Smithee Blog Award. He’s the man solely responsible for Canada’s leading export, quality blog content – surpassing the country’s previous top export, maple syrup. He’s also a surprisingly polite French Canadian (an oxymoron, I know), and a fluent speaker of both French and Frenglish. You might be wondering how I know so much about Canada? Please, there isn’t much to learn…
When I’m not busy looking for porn on the internet, I’m usually reading through blogs – lots of them. It’s a great way to find inspiration when (le) creative tank is running on fumes. When I first discovered Le Clown, I immediately noticed that his material had the opposite effect on me. Rather than leaving me with a new found sense of inspiration, I felt like a poo-head instead. View at your own risk. By the time you finish visiting the circus, you’ll undoubtedly want to end your pathetic blogging career.
I’m packing my desk as I write. I’ve decided to pursue things that come natural to me from now on — things like breathing, walking, etc. Ok, I’m no slouch, but god damn, this guy is endlessly funny — especially the comment threads.
Despite his ego being the size of the Northwest Territories, Le Clown is unlike many of the honorary members of (le) Freshly Pressed hall of fame. As we all know, the majority of stuff on the front page is sub-par. However, Le Clown has rightfully earned his star on the sidewalk by continuing to produce stellar content. As a result, his viewership is trending upward, post-induction – ahem, WordPress editors, market research opportunity!
His phenomenal readership aside, engagement with fans is what I find most impressive. Every person that interacts with his blog is acknowledged, unlike some truly arrogant players I’ve come across. I can’t even imagine the amount of time that’s required to keep up with (le) blog. I get anxious just thinking about it.
You may be wondering if I’m a paid promoter of the circus. The answer is no. You may also be wondering if I’d like to be a paid endorser. The answer is an enthusiastic yes. I won’t quit my day job yet…
More Clowns you Should be Afraid of:
- Homey the Clown – Step out of line and you’re gonna get a rock-filled sock to the back of the head. Whatever shenanigans you may be considering, rest assured, Homey don’t play that game.
- Ronald McDonald - Don’t be fooled by this clown’s happy disposition. He’s laughing all the way to the bank while you stuff your gut full of hamburger grease. If you’re not careful, he might have to blow up a balloon catheter animal inside one of your arteries soon. Would you like fries with that?
- Carrot Top - Never trust a clown that’s going through Anabolic Steroid withdrawal. What ever happened to the skinny goofball with the suitcase full of props? The bigger he gets the more he looks like a woman. I don’t get it?
A few other things Le Clown can do that you can’t:
- Impregnate women just by staring at them — some men, too
- Fashionably wear white foundation and a foam nose in public
- Watch Hockey Night in Canada while his ego does the grocery shopping
Very commendable effort my French-speaking neighbor to the north. I bow to Le Clown and always enjoy your humor. Canada, please don’t be offended by this ignorant American — he means no harm. Besides, I love Don Cherry.
-Happy Blogging Ya Coulrophobic Bitchers!
- Coulrophobia (thatguythatreviewsstuff.wordpress.com)
- WordPress To Retire Le Clown’s Not Featured on Freshly Pressed Jersey (clownonfire.wordpress.com)
- What’s On a Clown’s Mind (clownonfire.wordpress.com)