If you suffer from Coulrophobia, get a grip.  Take your meds, breath into a bag  — do whatever you have to do to get yourself stabilized, then go and visit A Clown on Fire’s blog.

If you’re not familiar with him already, Le Clown is a fast-rising WordPress phenom, and winner of the prestigious Alan Smithee Blog Award.  He’s the man solely responsible for Canada’s leading export, quality blog content – surpassing the country’s previous top export, maple syrup.  He’s also a surprisingly polite French Canadian (an oxymoron, I know), and a fluent speaker of both French and Frenglish.   You might be wondering how I know so much about Canada? Please, there isn’t much to learn…

When I’m not busy looking for porn on the internet, I’m usually reading through blogs – lots of them.  It’s a great way to find inspiration when (le) creative tank is running on fumes.  When I first discovered Le Clown, I immediately noticed that his material had the opposite effect on me.  Rather than leaving me with a new found sense of inspiration, I felt like a poo-head instead.  View at your own risk.  By the time you finish visiting the circus, you’ll undoubtedly want to end your pathetic blogging career.

I’m packing my desk as I write.  I’ve decided to pursue things that come natural to me from now on — things like breathing, walking, etc.  Ok, I’m no slouch, but god damn, this guy is endlessly funny — especially the comment threads.

Despite his ego being the size of the Northwest Territories, Le Clown is unlike many of the honorary members of (le) Freshly Pressed hall of fame.  As we all know, the majority of stuff on the front page is sub-par.  However, Le Clown has rightfully earned his star on the sidewalk by continuing to produce stellar content.  As a result, his viewership is trending upward, post-induction – ahem, WordPress editors, market research opportunity!

His phenomenal readership aside, engagement with fans is what I find most impressive.  Every person that interacts with his blog is acknowledged, unlike some truly arrogant players I’ve come across.  I can’t even imagine the amount of time that’s required to keep up with (le) blog.  I get anxious just thinking about it.

You may be wondering if I’m a paid promoter of the circus.  The answer is no.  You may also be wondering if I’d like to be a paid endorser.  The answer is an enthusiastic yes.  I won’t quit my day job yet…

More Clowns you Should be Afraid of:

• Homey the Clown – Step out of line and you’re gonna get a rock-filled sock to the back of the head.  Whatever shenanigans you may be considering, rest assured, Homey don’t play that game.
• Ronald McDonald - Don’t be fooled by this clown’s happy disposition.  He’s laughing all the way to the bank while you stuff your gut full of hamburger grease.  If you’re not careful, he might have to blow up a balloon catheter animal inside one of your arteries soon.  Would you like fries with that?
• Carrot Top - Never trust a clown that’s going through Anabolic Steroid withdrawal.  What ever happened to the skinny goofball with the suitcase full of props?  The bigger he gets the more he looks like a woman.  I don’t get it?

A few other things Le Clown can do that you can’t:

• Impregnate women just by staring at them — some men, too
• Fashionably wear white foundation and a foam nose in public
• Watch Hockey Night in Canada while his ego does the grocery shopping

*****

Very commendable effort my French-speaking neighbor to the north.  I bow to Le Clown and always enjoy your humor.  Canada, please don’t be offended by this ignorant American — he means no harm.  Besides, I love Don Cherry.

Merci Beaucoup…

 -Happy Blogging Ya Coulrophobic Bitchers!

    

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