On Long Awkward Pause we have a contact page called “Talk to us Here” that people can use to send requests asking us to write something specific or to answer group questions, or to request nude pictures from us, or to offer us bulk penis enlargement pills at low costs; but once in a great while, we get something really endearing that’s totally worth sharing.
I thought I’d pass on this note that was made out to Chris “The Boss” De Voss from a fan of the site.
I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for liking my post “The Amazing Niles Munster” on my website/blog Strange World With Dr. Mortimer Schnub. It took me a while to get this thank you out to you but better late than never.
I was about to quit, until my wife of 25 years, Michelle (who helps me type up the posts and puts everything together for me on the site and whom I am nothing without (can you tell she’s typing this email as I’m dictating to her? (She just wanted to make sure she gets her props)) pointed out that you liked the post and that you are a professional writer and well known in the humor blogging community, and that you started a joint blog of humor bloggers. So I have not given up hope that maybe in some small way our site will take off. I know it’s not the regular blog type site, so it will take longer to develop a following, but this has really given me a little more confidence to keep writing and posting. It’s not everyone’s taste but I am old school, my formative years were spent watcing SCTV, Saturday Night Live (the orignal cast), Monty Python, “the early funny” Woody Allen flicks and reading National Lampoon.
Thanks again and if you want to throw me another bone please follow the site as well.
Anthony Cortez (aka: Dr. Mortimer Schnub)
I’m not sure what your story is, Mr. Anthony Cortez, but you rock for leaving a cool ass note like that. Chris shared it with all of us through email, and it made me smile. Thanks for rocking and good luck with your venture.
If anyone is interested in showing this dude a bit of support and giving him a few comments to read, you can visit his site by clicking HERE. I won’t beg you to visit, but I was just thinking back on the first day of my “blogging career” and wondering if anyone would ever read my shit. They did, but a lot of people helped get to that point.
I think I’ll pay it forward now.
Rock On, Dr. Mortimer Schnub! \m/
P.S. Chris De Voss is technically a “Semi-Professional Writer” – just wanted to clarify. Oh, and he still confuses ‘their’ and ‘there’. Oh, and one more thing: he, misplaces commas too.
Ever since early childhood I’ve had this insatiable need to create things. Throughout life I’ve dabbled in just about every discipline, from music, to video editing, to drawing and painting wall graphics. The only thing that I haven’t done yet is singing. Well, if you count singing Guns and Roses in the shower, then I guess I’ve experimented with that too. But don’t let that get out, sweet child o’ mine, as I don’t have the time for any band tryouts at the moment.
What I discovered is that being involved in a creative project isn’t just something that I enjoy doing – it’s something that I need it in my life in order to be truly happy deep inside. That would explain why Art was always my strongest subject in school early on. The at-home dialogues at report card time usually started off with something like, “Look, Mom! I got an A in Art! And I flunked the shit out of Science!” And yet, despite the number of days I spent being grounded because of my disdain for repetitive, boring-ass T-tables, I’ve always thrown myself into a creative project to find that inner satisfaction. Whether you realize it or not, chances are likely that the same applies to you too.
The way I see it, we’re all creators, and everybody has creative ability. Art takes on so many different forms beyond drawing and painting too: needlework, costume jewelry-making, floral arrangements, dancing at the bar or in your living room, doodling, coordinating interior paint colors, picking out clothing, cooking from scratch, clay modeling and pottery, coloring, writing poetry, video editing, buying bath towels – all of these things require some type of creative process. Given the number of opportunities that we’re offered up everyday, I find it mind-boggling to hear somebody say something dumb like, “I’m just not very creative.”
Stop right there. Every human being on this planet is creative.
It’s a requisite – an ability that we’re all born with – and the same intrinsic needs that it satisfies within me, it satisfies within everybody else. The flavor might be different, but the need is there, and everybody has the potential to excel at some type of creative hobby. The goal shouldn’t be about becoming the next Rembrant or Michelangelo, but instead, it should be about personal expression, and about developing and learning what defines you and the type of art that fits your style.
Inevitably, sadly, from time to time that the well of ideas eventually runs dry, and the dreaded block occurs, stifling the creative flow. Sometimes it feels like it will never end and it’s frustrating as hell. When it happens, instead of dampening the canvas with tears, or cramming a paint brush into our eyeballs, sometimes it’s awesome to step aside from a project and go out into the real or virtual world and find something inspiring. It’s so easy to get consumed or preoccupied with your own ideas, and forget that there are a lot of other people out there with great ideas too.
Since we’re all Creative Geeks here, I’d like to ask you a couple of questions:
1.) What is the most fulfilling creative outlet in your life? and,
2.) Where do you turn for inspiration when you’re blocked?
In the meantime, here are some awesome YouTube Videos that I always check out whenever I need a kick-start:
Led Zeppelin, The Immigrant Song – Austrailia ’72
If I’m drumming and my hands are stiff, I always turn to John Bonham to kick me back into form. THIS is heavy metal, and probably the best live Zeppelin I’ve ever heard.
“Fresh Guacamole” by PES
Stop motion films are just incredible to me, and this is one of the absolute best. There is an explosion of creative happening here, and every time I watch it, it’s hard not to smile.
“Rejected” by Don Hertzfeldt
If you’re into dark comedy, and/or animation, this one is a must see. I absolutely love this guys drawings. Stick around for the ending – it’s the best part.
“Rubber Johnny” by Chris Cunningham & Aphex Twin
This one is just weird. You should probably watch this one at your own risk if you have trouble sleeping at night, but it’s definitely creative as hell.
I’ve been putting a lot of thought into slippin’ out the back door unnoticed for awhile now, but the decent jerk in me feels like a sign off post would be the cool thing to do.
That sounds so self-important doesn’t it? Like I’m sittin’ here selling off locks of hair because you deserve to have them. This is some serious protocol shit here. I’m sorry. I know it’s corny. You love it, don’t lie.
It’s not supposed to sound self important. I’m just another peon hiding out in a very small corner of the internet like the rest of you peons. That doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I’ve made some real friends over the past year-plus. And despite how much it sucks for me to have to pull up the stakes on something that’s been so gratifying in so many ways – something that led to so many great memories and accomplishments – it’s just not fun to me anymore, and it hasn’t been for awhile.
But before I mosey on outta here I would like to talk about some serious stuff.
I read a lot of the posts the other day during the fallout, and I will say this about it: I’m not here to attack, defend, justify, or debate any of it here, and I kindly ask that you keep it out of the comment section on this site. In no way, shape, or form is that a criticism to any party involved, because I understand the severity of it. It’s just a preference of mine to not be involved publicly. Respect that.
Reading all of it was pretty overwhelming, and it scared the hell out of me – not just imaginary-blogging-bubble scared – real world scared. It was an example of just how quickly information can spread on the Internet, and it raised a lot of questions in my mind about the blogging arena from a legal, ethical, and personal safety standpoint.
I’ve never felt comfortable putting personal information on the Internet. In fact, I don’t even really like Facebook for that reason. I don’t like the thought of having certain information of mine available to anybody with an Internet connection. Although I do it on occasion, I usually end up regretting it. Once it’s out there and read, it’s too late to call it back.
It reminds me of the adage: “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?”
Like with everything, when everybody’s doing something it somehow creates this illusion that it’s safer, or more acceptable to do. A lot of people, including myself, have posted some pretty juicy stuff online – particular things that profile us, or mistake us for professional opinions.
This platform allows us to freely communicate our opinions and views on topics with a very wide audience. With that privilege, I think there should also be a certain amount of personal responsibility that comes along with it.
As far as the reality of this whole blogging platform goes, it’s an imaginary world – a fantasy – and sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in that fantasy aspect of it. It all sounds so poetic – and by design – like images from a movie, meant to stir the emotions of the reader. We look at the images of each other; we read the amazing words and stories pouring out of those pictures daily, and our minds naturally fill in the blanks. Basically, we profile each other.
We begin to trust in the stories. They appear to be consistent, and the images back them up. We like the people that are being created in our mind’s eye. The truth is, we never truly know the people that we’re communicating with online until we meet and learn about them in real life. Even then, discovery doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to build a real life friendship. Online, we’re just acquaintances. And regardless of how many years we’ve been in contact with each other, we still don’t know each other.
It’s kinda like having an imaginary friend.
The reality is that people aren’t images and blog posts, and we consistently give our trust away to people that aren’t yet worthy of having it. It takes time to build trust, and to discover whether or not the persona matches the person.
Here, we’re all characters. Although the stories sound similar to our own experiences, it’s not reality.
I pulled my blog down a couple months go for that reason. There were things on this site that profiled me personally that I decided weren’t appropriate to have online. I keep my inner most thoughts and personal experiences now in a journal. It’s my preference, but maybe you might want to consider it too.
I built my shtick around comedy. It’s cathartic in a way, and I’ve always enjoyed interacting with everybody that pops in. I’m gonna grind that to a hault for now however, and say thank you so FUCKING much for being so cool and supportive of what I do. It’s something I’ve always enjoyed, and our interactions with each other have made it all that much better.
I’m gonna be writing at Long Awkward Pause from now on full-time, and I’d love to see all you guys around still. If the mood strikes me to write here again in the future, I’ll definitely come back and rock it. For now, I gotta bounce, yo.
And lastly, I’d love to have you guys share a story or something funny, or an interaction we had together, or something that you enjoyed about coming around here. It would seriously make my day. *Here’s a locket of hair in return*
Sooooo, with all that said, I think it would only be appropriate to end on this note:
ROCK STAR SALUTE, CHOWDERHEADS! \m/
I was lucky to grow up during a time when music was undergoing a dramatic redefinition – particularly in the Rock genre. The entire era was a rebellion against culture, politics, and fashion, and music was at the forefront leading the charge.
It was a harmonious melding of art, imagery, and attitude, that gave birth to brand new genres like Grunge, Alternative, Punk-Fusion, and Reggae-Fusion. So much of it was Progressive in its own respect, and none of it was straight up; they were completely new sounds that took four decades of Rock and Roll influence to be born.
The music that came out of the early 90’s was emotionally heavy; dark, melancholy, and depressing – yet it was powerful and proven timeless. It was an era that was so heavily saturated with some of the greatest bands in Rock and Roll history, and out of it came some of the best albums ever produced.
Here’s a list to skim through of some of my all-time favorite Rock albums that came out of that era: Continue reading
If you missed Nicole Marie’s post on Tuesday, I’d recommend going back and giving it a read. It was a highly personal, and very powerful piece of poetry that was well-deserving of the attention that it received.
Of Me speaks about negative self perception of body image from a young woman’s perspective. It carries a universal theme, and it’s a demon that a lot of people have either dealt with in the past, or are still currently battling.
I’ve read a lot of heavy-topic articles around the web, but this was the first time I ever read something that actually moved me to tears.
It was the closing stanza that really poked me:
I am, she says, a well-wrapped box of weeds and good intentions, worn at the seams – no card attached. But she will never learn the weight of her own gravity; she will never see the blue of the sky, if she never raises her eyes to it.
A dude by the name of Rich then followed up with an incredibly thoughtful interpretation of those two beautiful lines:
It speaks to me because most of us view weeds as bad. but dandelions are beautiful weeds. There are many colorful weeds along highways. and what of the weed itself? It’s just following nature, growing, absorbing water and CO2 like a rose or a holly or mums. So it’s got the same good intentions as those other, more appreciated plants, and it cleans the air for humans, just like the more beautiful flowers. It isn’t always as pretty, but it does the same things for the balance of nature. Good intentions.
The insight that Rich provided is reflective of my own life philosophy.
I think any attempt to bully someone into accepting some version of “ideal” is actually an attempt to mask an insecurity or fear of the aggressor. And by consequence, all it does is create an insecurity in an otherwise secure person. In other words, nobody is born into this world with a negative self-perception; it’s a learned behavior.
That critical voice in your head is not your own. Figure out who’s voice it is and dispel it.
Recognize that you are an asset as you are; utilize your own greatest strengths, and maintain your free-spiritedness and free-thinking mindset. Allow your pockets of peace to grow and expand until they completely fill you. We all have something unique and important to contribute, regardless of anything said contrarily.
Keep admiring your authenticity, and become the eye of the beholder. If you can maintain that mindset, you might not ever have to look into another mirror again to confirm it. It was a courageous and fantastic piece that you wrote, Nicole Marie.
Chin square to the ground at all times. Salute.
- Meeting Adjourned, Chowderheads \m/
Tomorrow is the last day to submit your Movember Mustaches before the contest ends. Click here to visit the contest post. I’ll be announcing the winners here on Saturday Morning, and I might even break down and do a VIDEO drawing. Yes! \m/ In the meantime, please donate a couple of bucks to the Movember Cause if you can. Even a small donation would be greatly appreciated.
Click the Banner for More of Nicole Marie
Nicole MarieClick the image to zoom *a normal text format can be viewed at the bottom of the page for easier reading This poem was a hard one for me, but so very, very easy to write. I have questioned my own size and shape since I was thirteen years old. After a school nurse was disappointed with my weigh-in, I went home and buried my face in my mother’s chest and wondered what I was “supposed” to look like. Too short, too tall, too thin, too wide. I drink and I eat sweets, but not a moment goes by without me questioning my shape and my own self worth along with it; these thoughts are a plague to those struggling with self esteem issues, from the time they climb out of bed to the moment they undress at night. And while each day is a struggle, I have managed to find small pockets of peace within myself. We are all different, and we are all beautiful in our own way. Who wants to look like everyone else? What a boring world we would be living in. I try daily to remind myself of all the other things I like about me.To all those others sailing along in my boat: take a deep breath, throw your shoulders back, and make the mirror your new best friend. After all, confidence is sexy.A huge THANK YOU to Adam of Chowderhead for allowing me to cover something I am so very passionate about, on his amazing blog! xoxo, NM Text format
such rough patchwork
on such a young thing,
no glass smooth flesh
just marble valleys
on a pale pink landscape.
those smiling lines on her back
aren’t the wings of a butterfly,
those glowing highways
on her thighs
don’t twist with assurance.
a real life caricature
all lowered brow, all rising forehead,
the living reflection
of a fun house mirror
she looks away as she dresses.
in a wavering cave
the elements get in easily here,
she hides her breath
until the flooding stops.
when the roadway
is littered with flaws,
she only trips
over the rubble.
all is wrapped in silence
when she wakes,
eyes shut tight
no shedding litters
the bedroom floor.
how can she grow
when her sight
is a fogged mirror,
when words fall so hard
from a slapping screen door?
that soft skin,
gathered like wrinkled blankets
beneath each arm,
it is not a sign of prosperity,
she does not raise her chin.
no other is in want
of a hard bruised shook up
stretch of pale and bone
holding some view of the world
in her wide-knuckled grasp.
i am, she says,
a well-wrapped box
of weeds and good intentions,
worn at the seams,
no card attached.
but she will never learn
the weight of her own gravity,
she will never see
the blue of the sky
if she never raises her eyes to it.
I admire the sheer, brutal honesty in this piece. I didn’t ask for anything specific when I originally contacted Nicole Marie, she just did what she does. I was taken aback, and thought it was a beautifully written, and really great piece of reflective poetry – all of it with a glimmer of hope at the end. I’m glad to have had the opportunity to be a mediator. Thanks for your contribution, NM. \m/
For more Nicole Marie, click the banner below
- Chowderhead Interviews Lil’ Ol’ Me (mikecalahan.wordpress.com)
- Why Girls Shouldn’t Let The Thigh Gap Trend Leave Gaps In Their Self Esteem (wibw.com)
- Beyond the Pale (vernacularisms.com)
If you’re not familiar with the name Mike Calahan, you’re probably living on a free-floating sheet of ice somewhere in the Arctic Circle. And if that’s the case, call your local cable company, get the Wi-Fi hooked up, and tune in next Tuesday for an opportunity to dive helmet-head first into the genetically-enhanced grey matter of the author behind the blog, B.L.O.G.
It’s a bit redundant, I know. But that’s exactly what makes him a literary genius.
I originally booked Mike for a luxurious, all-inclusive stay here at the Chowderhead Headquarters for last weekend, but unfortunately, he was already committed to some hairspray convention out in Tucson. We’re now set to square off this weekend for a one-on-one showdown.
Designer brand mouse. Collared shirts and ties. The sleekest pair of black frame glasses west of the Mississippi…
I might be in over my head.
See you Tuesday.
- Honor thy comb and thy hair gel, Chowderheads \m/
**If you have questions that you’d like me to ask Mike, drop a line in the comments and I’ll be sure to work ‘em in.
- Because I Haven’t Got the Legs for Dancing (tipsylit.com)
- Paranormal Housekeeping (thechowderhead.com)
- If you had 5 minutes to talk to a Dung Beetle, what would you say? (longawkwardpause.wordpress.com)
**In case you missed the introduction to this whole mess that I’m subjecting myself to, be sure to read here first: Chowderhead’s Official Sleep Deprivation Olympic Challenge.**
Well, Day 1 of the challenge began and ended with only a few minor burps, but all in all, things are going pretty smoothly.
It’s important to note:
I haven’t officially been awake for twenty four hours because I accidentally fell asleep during the first hour while watching an episode of The Real Housewives of some posh, tropical county. Shortly after that I slipped on a bar of soap in the shower and hit my head on the soap tray.
I still don’t really know exactly how long I was out for..
However, as the early hours of this study peel off the clock, I’m starting to feel like sleep is just an overrated, productivity-killing waste of time. I mean, how the hell are we supposed to advance as a society when everybody’s larding around for eight hours everyday?
I intend to take full advantage of those additional eight hours each night by catching up on a few chores that I’ve been meaning to get to for awhile.
Summary of Events, Accomplishments, and Other Stuff from Day 1: Continue reading